While there was a time when the only acceptable course of action in a relationship was to get married, a lot has changed. There are many pros and cons to getting married, and it is a big and legally binding decision that there is no longer as much universal social pressure around. All over the world, marriage rates have been falling. This is due to many contributing factors, one big one being lessening societal pressure. Instead, many people are now opting to be in committed partnerships that don’t involve a marriage. Marriage is also more widely seen as a patriarchal and outdated system, which is impacting a lot of women’s desire to get married. Here are 18 reasons why women don’t want to get married anymore.
Focusing on Their Careers
Long-term partnerships require a lot of time and effort. Many people balance both their careers and their marriages, but for some, it’s not worth the time it will take away from growing professionally. Women have been socialized in many ways to believe their only worth is in being a wife and mother, so a lot now are prioritizing their careers even more to disprove this.
Traumatic Past Experiences
Fear of reliving past experiences with partners could lead to women not wanting to be married. Having your trust broken in such a profound way is a really traumatizing and deeply influential thing, and many people, understandably, don’t want to risk going through that again.
Desire for Independence
While it is very possible for some couples to be married and still maintain a level of independence, some people just want far more than is possible in a relationship. In a marriage, you have to consider that person in every choice you make. That’s a lot of responsibility that some women just don’t need or want.
Fear of Divorce
With divorce rates being at around 50% for first marriages and much higher for second, third, and so on, the fear of a marriage ending in divorce is very legitimate. Many women are choosing not to get married because the likelihood of it ending in something expensive and emotionally brutal is just too high.
Belief that Marriage is Patriarchal
Historically, women were perceived as property belonging to their families, particularly their fathers. Marriage was intended as a transaction in return for wealth or prestige in some way. This is why the father of the bride walks her down the aisle and essentially gives her to the groom. It is also why the bride traditionally takes the groom’s last name. Marriage as an institution does have deep roots in the patriarchy, so many women don’t want to buy into that.
Infidelity
One study revealed that over 50% of divorces occurred due to infidelity. With 23% of men, compared to 13% of women, admitted to engaging in sexual activity with someone who was not their partner (without the consent of their partner) in a 2023 study. These stats are scary and a very clear reason why people, especially women, may not trust being legally bound to someone in a marriage.
Unable to Find Men Who Want Commitment
In an age of dating apps, it seems at times like there are unlimited options out there. It feels like, especially in highly populated cities, a lot of men think they can just mess around forever, trying every flavor of ice cream, so to speak. Many women who want to settle down struggle not to find a guy they like but to find one who wants to get married.
Not Wanting to Compromise
Why compromise? If you are truly happy with yourself, which should be the main goal, you don’t need anyone to complete you. Of course, most of us desire affection and love, but settling for someone because you feel you need a partner at this immediate moment in your life is not something women these days are interested in doing.
Finding More Security with Friendships and Family
Studies have found that a lot more women are opting to rely more on friends and family for security and emotional support because they trust that they will never cheat on or abandon them.
Caring for Elderly Parents
In many cultures, it is expected of the children to devote a portion of their adult lives to the care of their aging parents. Some women who are very involved in this may not want or have space to bring a spouse into the mix. On the flip side, some women don’t want to marry someone who has such a large commitment.
Not Wanting Children
Marriage doesn’t automatically mean children, and children do not automatically mean marriage. However, many people have an expectation of marriage and kids in that order, and if there is a lack of compatibility based on views there, a couple may opt out of getting married.
Prioritizing Travel
Travel is everything to some people. Seeing the world and experiencing different cultures is what makes life worth living for them. So, for some globe-trotting nomads, a marriage might not really make sense. You have to factor someone else into all your decisions, and you can’t jet off at a moment’s notice.
Desire to Keep Separate Finances
It is a large financial commitment to get married. Your spouse’s debt and financial responsibilities essentially become yours. A lot of women are not comfortable risking the financial stability and freedom they have worked so hard for.
Lack of Suitable Husbands
The reasons for this are complex and varied, but it seems like men are floundering. Meanwhile, women are thriving. In school and the professional world, the imbalance between men and women is shifting in a very new and interesting way. Unfortunately for straight women, this means there are less and less men worthy of their affections.
Not Wanting Government Involvement
Many women are uncomfortable with the idea of the government being involved in their partnership. A romantic relationship is a very intimate thing, and it can feel strange and even wrong to have some aspect of the relationship be contingent on anything government-related.
Cost of a Wedding
Weddings, on average, cost $30,000 in America. That is around half of the average U.S. salary. Of course, you can always just go to the courthouse, but truthfully, for a lot of people, the excuse to throw a giant party is a big reason they want to get married.
Focusing on Parenting
For someone who already has a child from a previous marriage or otherwise, they may not want to involve another adult in that family unit, at least from a legal perspective. It can also be a lot on a child to feel that someone they aren’t close to is stepping into a parental role. The parent might just feel like they don’t even have the capacity for a committed relationship, especially depending on the child’s age and needs.
Belief that Marriage is Unnecessary
A lot of people genuinely see marriage as pointless. Love and commitment can exist with or without a legally binding document. There are many reasons people still want to get married despite this, but some women believe that marriage won’t change anything in their relationship and don’t care about the labels.
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