According to research, women initiate around 70% of divorces? Even though, in most cases divorce is actually most costly for a woman, it appears that females are the ones who call time on the majority of marriages.
While there are many reasons for men, and women to feel mismatched in matrimony, increasing financial independence, and higher expectations for emotional fufillment, and equality within a marital union have been cited as two of the main factors that cause women to want to detach from a marriage.
What Does Research Say?
Before a woman files for divorce, research indicates that often, she will have emotionally checked out, months if not years before, and instigated a process of preparation to ensure stability for herself, and her children, if she has any.
This means that until a woman can afford divorce, or until she’s sure that she wants one, many will “quietly quit” their marriage. Quiet quitting refers to gradual emotional disengagement, where the woman stops investing in the relationship.
Here are 18 reasons why women are quietly quitting marriage:
Infidelity
The vows of marriage specifically state that it is a sacred union that “forsakes all others,” and the commitment of marriage is also taken to mean a commitment to your partner, and only your partner.
However, research indicates that men are more likely to cheat in a marriage, and this is another reason why a woman would choose to quietly quit her marriage. If a woman feels that her trust has been betrayed, she is more likely to feel hurt, and want to emotionally distance herself from her husband.
Financial Stress
Financial problems are cited as one of the main causes of divorce, and many women who may also have children to think about, clothe, and feed, may get a point where they feel they would be better off trying to work and support themselves, without having the headache of arguing over finances with their partner.
A wife may then make a conscious decision to “quietly quit” the marriage, becoming less responsive, and less affectionate, while focusing more on ways to meet the financial needs of herself, and her children, without her husbands involvement.
Unmet Needs
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs tells us that the basic, and essential needs which drive human behavior are safety, security, love, and support; however, if these are not being met by our romantic partner, then we will be motivated to seek out an alternative situation.
One of the main reasons that women quietly quit marriage is unmet needs, whether it’s because their husband is not showing them love, and support, or is abusive in some way, this is can cause women to emotionally detach from the relationship.
Substance Abuse
Although marriage is supposed to be “for better, or for worse,” supporting someone through an active addiction is not easy. Whether it’s a full blown serious addiction to drugs, and/or alcohol, or a drinking habit that’s getting out of hand, both can create havoc in a marriage.
Furthermore, it can be dangerous to be in a relationship with an addict, and sometimes it is necessary for a woman to quietly quit the marriage to protect her own, physical, and mental health.
Lack of Communication
You’ve heard it before but relationships are all about communication, communication, communication. Once there has been a communication breakdown in a relationship, a woman can start to feel isolated, and like she is in the marriage alone anyway, and this leads her to begin to detach, and quietly quit.
Sexually Incompatible
Many people think that sex is something that is only important to men, but they are wrong. Sexual needs, are human needs, and if for some reason two partners find themselves sexually incompatible, this can prove challenging.
Many factors can contribute to sexual incompatibilty, whether it’s age related health conditions, or changing dynamics due to work, or children, but, whatever the cause, if a man is not prepared to work collaboratively, and sensitively with his wife to find a solution, she may start to quietly quit the relationship.
Stagnant Growth
During the course of a marriage, many things can change, and your partner is one of them. If you are in a 30 year marriage, that is a long time, and you probably won’t be married to the same person at the end of the relationship, that you were at the beginning.
The ideal scenario is for two people to change and grow together across their lifetime, however, sometimes people grow at different rates, and this can result in one partner feeling stuck, left behind, or stagnant. If a womans feels that there is no longer any growth within her martial union, this may spur her on to start quietly detaching from the relationship.
Financial Independance
In 2024, woman are more financially independent than at any other time in history, and this has given women more choices. In the past, a woman was more reliant on the financial support of her husband, and she therefore may have felt as though she had to sacrifice her own wants, and needs for financial security, but not anymore.
Woman know that they can earn their own money, and therefore they are more likely to quietly quit unfulflling marriages, and file for divorce.
Mental Health
If a woman is in an abusive marriage, or one which consistently does not meet her needs, this can have a negative impact on her mental health, and it may be necessary for her to quietly quit the relationship until she is able to make the necessary arrangements to be able to leave.
Lack of Affection
If you are not receiving love and affection from you romantic partner, who can you receive it from? Life can be challenging, and part of the reason why marriage exists is so that two people can be there to show each other love, kindness, and affection during difficult times.
If a woman feels like her emotional, and/or physicals needs are being neglected, this will make her feeling unsupported, and even unloved, which are good enough reasons to make anyone quietly quit.
Changing Priorities
When two people get married they are usually two relatively carefree young individuals in love, but as time passes, this inevitably changes, With the responsibilities of work, bills, and possibly children, a new bride and groom will have to take on new responsibilities as part of their marriage.
This can cause priorities to change, and spouses can end up feeling like they no longer have any time for eachother, or that they are on a never ending treadmill of work, bills, and childcare.
Naturally, this can cause distance between couples to grow, and a woman may end up quietly quitting her marriage without even realizing it.
Health Needs
A marriage can span decades, and as we age, most of us will develop health conditions that may affcet our level of independence, or abilities. And while most spouses endeavour to support their partners through illness, as they have agreed to do so “in sickness, and in health,” it’s not always possible.
Women are reported to live longer, and remain more mobile, on average than men, and this can result in many women having to become long term carers for their husbands, which can be emotionally, mentally, and financially draining. In these circumstances, a woman may have no choice, but to quietly quit her marriage, while doing her best to ensure that her husbands care needs are met.
Domestic Violence
No one should be afraid of their partner, however, women who find themselves experiencing domestic violence in their marriage may use quiet quitting as a way to help them detach emotionally, before it is safe enough for them to physically leave.
Toxic Behavior
Abuse can take many forms within a relationship, and it does not always have to be physical. If a woman finds herself in a physically, mentally, or emotionally abusive relationship, with a toxic partner who regularly shames her, puts her down, this can have a negative impact on her self-esteem, and confidence,
In these circumstances, it may be helpful for a woman to quietly quit the marriage, and establish some internal, and external boundaries, before she physically leaves.
Burnout
It’s no secret that women wear many hats, famed for their multitasking abilities, being a wife comes with lots of responsibility.
The demands of being a mother, partner, employee, and daughter, can all combine to leave a woman feeling burnt out, and as if she needs to take some “time-out” for herself.
Emotional Exhaustion
It’s common knowledge that on average, women tend to do more of the emotional labor in a partnership. Whether it’s caring for their husbands emotional needs, and their childrens, while also trying to look after their own emotions needs, and emotional exhaustion is another reason why more women are quietly quitting marriage.
Women recognize now more than ever that they need self-care too, and that their needs matter.
Conflict Avoidance
Who enjoys conflict? Not many people, and some less than others, in fact some people can have severe issues with conflict avoidance. If a woman feels that her partner is not emotionally safe, she may fear engaging in conflict with him, and distancing herself from the relationship, may feel like an easier option than addressing any problems in the marriage head on.
Changing Expectations
Societal, and cultural trends show that men and women appear to be moving in opposite directions from eachother on a range of issues, including their expectations of marriage, equality, work, and political systems.
In 2024, women aren’t afraid to ask for want they want, and they are less likely to sacrifice their own needs, and expectations of what marriage should be just to please their spouse.
Therefore, more women are quietly quitting marriages that they feel unfulfilled by, or which do not meet their expectations of equality, and respect, as they prepare to leave entirely.
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