Whoever said that relationships are easy was either dating Prince Charming or not being honest. Relationships involve sacrifice and vulnerability, which are not always easy for human beings. You have to give love unconditionally for a partnership to last, but that doesn’t mean that things are always forgivable. Once you pass the point where your words do damage and can’t be taken back, it is hard to get back on track. To achieve a happily ever after, avoid saying these 20 phrases that can poison your bond.
Everyone Says So
When arguing with your mate, isolating them by bringing others into the relationship is toxic. By talking to other people and inviting a group mentality, you betray the trust necessary for vulnerability and closeness.
I Hate You
Hate is one of the strongest emotions, next to love. Sometimes, it can be very difficult to decipher the intensity of the two, especially when anger rears its head. “I hate you” is one of the most jarring and emotionally poisonous phrases. It is also something that, like a bell, you can’t unring, so the residual effects last long after the words have been said.
I’m Done
We all get to a point where we feel as if we just can’t do whatever is causing us pain anymore. When you say, “I’m done,” you might not mean it, but your partner doesn’t know that. Avoid terminal words that indicate you might leave the relationship for good.
You’re Crazy
If you want to see someone act crazy, try calling them crazy. When you tell someone they are crazy, you invalidate their emotions, pain, and hurt. You also indicate that there is something wrong with them instead of acknowledging what you may have done. An argument always takes two actors, not just one crazy one.
What Now?
Relationships can get into a rut, and sometimes, you feel as if your significant other is just looking for things to be upset about. When you say, “What now?” it sounds as if the other person is somehow just throwing out issues to see what will stick. It is important to understand and listen to what your partner has to say, even when you are experiencing emotional exhaustion.
Daddy’s Girl
Your dad is someone who is supposed to be there to protect you, so hearing “Daddy’s girl” sounds like a woman is being spoiled. It also says that she somehow can’t take care of herself. Even worse, in the end, you are making her choose between the love and concern of her father over you. The reality is that you are either going to lose her, or you are going to make a rift between her and her dad, both of which are toxic.
Momma’s Boy
Just like “Daddy’s Girl,” “Momma’s Boy” is not a phrase you should ever utter in a relationship, no matter how heated things get. Pitting one another against a parent will always lead to a toxic relationship. For it to work, you must have the support of the entire family unit. If you don’t, it will be a hard road to peace.
Shut Up
“Shut up” is a phrase you’ve probably been using since the playground, but you are no longer there, so it should not be brought up again. Shutting someone up or shutting them down is never healthy for communication. It is okay to disagree, but only after you listen and acknowledge what they have to say.
You’re so Lazy
Differences are necessary and reasonable in a relationship. That means, however, that there might be standards that one of you has and the other doesn’t live up to. The key to a healthy relationship is accepting all of the parts of your partner. Saying they are lazy tells them that you don’t think they are pulling their weight or are worthy.
It’s Your Fault
There will be times when, yes, it will be their fault. But there will also be times when it will be yours. The truth is that it always takes two. Playing the blame game will get you nowhere but talking in circles. It is good to discuss everyone’s role in an argument, but it is completely unhelpful to point out their faults and tell them how wrong they were.
I’m Fine
If you are fine, definitely say, “I’m fine.” If you are anything but fine, however, don’t say it. Avoidance is one of the worst communication styles. If you have a problem, just state it and be honest about your feelings. Your partner can’t accept responsibility or change things that upset them if they don’t know what they are.
You’re a Bad Mom (or Dad)
Parenting is one of the hardest things to do, especially when your better half has very different ideas about how to do it. The key to having a healthy relationship is support and communication. You might not always like how your mate parents your children, but you do have to give them respect.
Grow Up
Sometimes, we all revert to our immature selves, especially when hurt. Our inner child tends to come out when we are most vulnerable. When you tell your partner to grow up, you are not only not acknowledging their feelings but insulting them. When you tell someone to grow up, you have to recognize that grown-ups don’t tell other grown-ups to do that if they are mature enough to listen.
There You Go Again
Like the “What now” phrase, “There you go again,” implies that your partner is the problem. Avoid comments that belittle or stereotype your partner as a troublemaker. It takes two to tango, and if it is a situation of “there you go again,” then you likely set the “go” into motion.
Profanity of Any Type
You can input any profane phrase into this category. Using profanity is meant to shock others. It is also a way to belittle your partner and use aggression to shut them down. Keep it clean if you want to keep the relationship, as there is no room for vulgar slurs in mature relationships.
You're so Pathetic
Pathetic is one of those words that means that you are unsalvageable and not worthy. Like many emotion-laden words, pathetic is not something that you can say to your partner without it sticking. Once it is stuck, that is it; you can’t unstick it.
Calm Down
There is nothing worse than someone telling you to “calm down.” The phrase itself means that you are overreacting. When someone hears “calm down,” it tells them they don’t have a right to be upset or voice their opinion. A surefire way to heat things is to tell someone to calm down. Take the heat and just let them vent if you want healthy communication.
You’re Overreacting
Much like “Calm down,” “You’re overreacting,” tells your partner that you are going overboard. This is a form of gaslighting, and in many instances, it is not up to you to judge whether your partner’s response is appropriate or not.
You’re Being Dramatic
Drama means that you are somehow putting on a show or being theatrical. When you say it to your significant other, you are implying that they are making a bigger deal out of something than need be. Like saying, “You’re a drama queen” will get you nowhere, “You’re being dramatic” is best left off the stage in a disagreement.
You Can’t Control Your Emotions
One of the biggest gaslighting phrases there are is “you can’t control your emotions.” Like with many toxic phrases, it is meant to shut down the person who is upset. When you say it, it tells your partner that something is wrong with them, not the situation they are trying to discuss.
You’re so Needy
People are supposed to need their significant others in a relationship. When you say, “You’re needy,” you tell your partner that they are asking for more than they deserve from you. Equity in a relationship is the key to sustainability. Telling someone they need you more than you do them creates distrust.
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