Dating is like a rollercoaster. Until you find the one, it feels like you are constantly waiting in line, hopping on and enjoying the ride, or exiting to the right. The truth is most people crave love and want to have that one special connection in their life. But, with so many hardships to happiness, at a certain point, is it really worth the heartache? If you have decided to sit out the dance party, you are not alone. When asked, there are very specific reasons why men have thrown in the towel on dating.
Fear of Rejection
Very different from FOMO, the fear of missing out; the fear of rejection keeps many men from considering the potential of dating. Whether it is hurt from a previous relationship or just a matter of low self-confidence, the notion that it is better to love than to have lost, is lost on the new generation of men. Many would rather go it alone than have the pain of being alone not by choice.
It’s Expensive
Dating is draining in more than emotional ways. When you date someone, you not only get out of the house for entertainment more than you might if you were alone; a man is typically supposed to pay. With the economy in a downtrend and uncertain, most are canceling their Hulu account. Starting a new and costly relationship isn’t even remotely in the stars. As disposable income becomes less disposable, people will probably become even more picky about who they spend their time and money on.
Being Discriminative
Perhaps due to the way that social media has boosted our own importance in the world, many men have an elevated sense of expectations when it comes to who they date. Not in a rush to tie the knot or to tie themselves down, men are looking to find “the one,” not the one who will do. High expectations are good to have, but they can sometimes be unrealistic. Who doesn’t want to date a “ten”? But the reality is that not everyone can, and not everyone is.
Low Self Esteem
All you have to do is scroll through social media to make yourself feel inferior. Social media is an unreal world where people only put their best face out there. That can lead to feelings of insecurity and low self-worth. When all you see is the competition, and they are way too competitive in the dating arena, it is easy to throw in the towel and remove yourself from the dating pool. When all someone sees is beautiful people, it can make you fearful of rejection. Sometimes that fear can be so overwhelming that you lose the desire to give it a try. You also are prone to think it isn’t worth it.
Waiting for the Right Time
Men are task-oriented by nature. They are also pragmatic. A significant other isn’t just emotionally taxing; most guys understand that having one leads down a rabbit hole of financial commitments and obligations. Over the past several decades, men have exceedingly been delaying marriage and commitment until a time when they have the financial means to take it on. What does that look like? For many, that means a house, a car, and a 401k. The problem is before they know it, they have missed the mark, and being out of the dating world for as long as they have, it is difficult to hop back in.
Career Aspirations
Along with wanting the white picket fence before the partner lives in it with them, men are opting to focus on careers and goals before they burden themselves with an extra person to consider or care for. Many men are choosing to go full speed ahead in the direction of work, which can sometimes be the opposite direction of a lasting relationship. At some point later in time, they may or may not, prioritize a relationship. In the here and now, however, there just isn’t the energy or the time.
Baggage
Unfortunately, no one makes it through life unscathed. Some, however, feel the sting of past experiences more than others. Those who have been burned, hurt, or downright walked all over are not ready or prepared to hop back on the horse to give it another ride. Men who have had a bad break or a disastrous road to the break, are choosing to play the field and stay single or to just stay single without playing at all. It is much better not to feel than to feel the pain of a lost relationship.
Not Willing to Sacrifice
Individuality is at a whole new high, meaning that the average person has become much more acceptable to those who don’t fit into the norm. With a new acceptance for “you be you,” however, has come a new unacceptable rule about being with someone with whom you are not compatible. People are not willing to sacrifice to find the person they can live with. They want the person they want to live with forever.
Too Many Choices
There was a time when you were limited to the dating pool within a certain radius of your home. Now, there are endless possibilities. Much like going to a restaurant where there are hundreds of items to choose from, it can be overwhelming. When you think there are endless matches out there, there is really no incentive to settle for anything but exactly what you want. That might be a tall order, and, in some instances, an unreal one. That isn’t, however, stopping those men who believe that if they wait long enough, the one they want will appear.
Gender Role Conflict
Gender roles continue to be blurred from one generation to the next. Where it was once an unwritten rule about what men did in a relationship and what women did, now there is no standard. That is an amazing freedom for both sexes, but it certainly does complicate some things and it also can be a source of contention if someone is looking for traditional roles and the predictability of them. Those who are looking for traditional roles and not willing to bend might find it disheartening when their “type” isn’t the type that wants the same thing in life.
Fear of Commitment
It is definitely a new age, but some things never change. Not everyone is ready to be tied down, find one girl, and live with her forever. Anxiety and fear are some of the biggest motivating factors. When it comes to relationships, they are also the things that can make a guy run every time things become serious. It isn’t just tied to men, women have a fear of commitment too, but it is a major reason that some men are looking to play it single forever.
Mental Health
Studies tell us that due to things like toxic masculinity, men often do not seek the mental health services they need for things like anxiety and depression. Living with mental health concerns does not make being in a relationship easy. For someone who is already struggling with feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and low self-esteem, the thought of having to worry about the complexities and emotions necessary to have a relationship is simply not possible. Men living with mental health issues tend to close themselves off from others, and not form close and lasting bonds.
Unrealistic Expectations About Love
Who isn’t in love with feelings of love? The euphoria of falling in love is one of the most intoxicating drugs there is. A problem can result when that intoxicating love turns into a steadier nurturing one. Many men who lose that initial enthrallment with their partner, wrongly assume that they are falling out of love. Love can’t sustain itself in the lust phase forever. At some point, it has to grow and mature. Those who are chasing an initial excitement will necessarily always be looking for it again, which will not make for healthy and lasting relationships.
The Peter Pan Syndrome
The Peter Pan Syndrome is alive and well in 2024. Not all men are looking to settle down and have a long-term relationship. Men who enjoy their time and feel it takes too much sacrifice to be in a long-term partnership aren’t willing to give up their freedom. They are willing to be in casual and nonbinding holding patterns forever. Whether their desire to go solo forever stems from previous hurt or upbringing, there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first and foremost, as long as the person they want to be casual with isn’t disillusioned that he will turn around at some point.
Just too Busy
Some people just like to be perpetually on the go and feel like having a stable and long-term relationship will slow them down. It isn’t that they don’t want to be in a relationship; they literally don’t have time. Men who lead busy lifestyles, typically don’t have the time to sit down and feel alone or lonely. Often, they surround themselves with friends, and co-workers, and traveling to amazing and new places. There is no room for love in the life of a jet setter.
Poor Social Skills
Social skills are a must for being in a relationship. Not only will having poor ones lead to a failure to find someone that you can relate with; but it will probably affect one's ability to communicate effectively. Since communication is one of the keys to a healthy and stable relationship, when someone struggles with it, it doesn’t make being in relationships very fun. It leads to a lot of strife. Many who just don’t get it socially tend to stay single because it is just more peaceful that way.
Peer Groups
Guys who are highly attached to their group of friends often decide that being in their pool is much better than joining the dating pool. Birds of a feather flock together and men who do single things and live a men-only life, like it that way. Peer pressure is a very motivating force, and when men are with other men who think being single is the way to go, it stays the way to go, going forward, until they all grow up and move on collectively. Or, in some instances, they stay single forever.
In previous generations, society dictated when it was appropriate for people to “grow up and settle down.” Nowadays, men are less apt to settle at all. There is no golden age for which anyone should find a mate and tie the knot. Men delay marriage or decide it isn’t for them all the time, and thankfully they do. Not everyone is cut out for a relationship, nor is it everyone’s cup of tea. The key to wellness and being the best version of yourself is to decide for yourself what you want for yourself and to never let society or norms do it for you.
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