According to the dictionary, resentment is the bitter indignation that comes from being treated unfairly. When you are in a relationship and feel like you are giving more than your fair share or that you are respecting someone more than they are you, it can breed feelings of resentment. Although every human is different and views the world differently, there are some common things that men do. There are also some things they don’t do in a relationship that can build resentment in the women they love.
Not Listen
According to estimates, women, on average, speak approximately twenty thousand words, while men speak about thirteen thousand a day. Women also tend to speak more quickly, which can sometimes be a bit overwhelming for men. Women who feel like their words fall on deaf ears often complain that their partner doesn’t listen to them. Everyone in a relationship wants to feel heard. If one feels ignored, it will eventually lead to a feeling of resentment.
Lack of Transparency
When you aren’t entirely open and honest with your mate, it can start to breed feelings of distrust. Communication is one of the most important factors in a healthy relationship. Without it, one person can feel confused and misunderstood. When you can’t get your needs met and don’t feel like someone is being upfront and honest with you, that will ultimately lead to feelings of resentment that are hard to overcome.
Different Goals and Values
Relationships can survive if two people see the world differently and have varying goals and values. That is only, however, if they respect those differences. When a woman’s goals are thrown aside to let their partner overshadow or shine, it can lead to eventual feelings of being dismissed or not respected. There has to be a give-and-take approach, where sometimes one partner might have to take a backseat and make their goals a second priority. If that is the theme always and forever for just one side, then it can become a one-man show.
Emotional Needs That are Continually Unmet
For a relationship to grow, there has to be a level of intimacy between two people. Emotional openness and depth are a part of that intimacy. If a woman can’t ever seem to get the emotional love and support that she requires, then that will eventually build a source of contempt and lack of intimacy. When someone doesn’t validate our need for emotional intimacy, that can start to feel as if one isn’t worthy of it, leading to low self-esteem. In the end, that builds a sense of resentment that is hard to get past.
Dysfunctional Attachment Styles
One of the most hurtful human experiences in a relationship is trying to attach to someone who either doesn’t want to attach or is incapable. Everyone has a different attachment style, and when two people are very different, it can start to feel like rejection to the one who has a healthy bond style. Women dating men who have avoidant or anxious attachment styles tend to push away. That breeds fear of rejection, and ultimately, it can lead to misunderstanding what a man wants and eventually resenting him for not wanting you.
Disrespectful Words and Actions
Everyone deserves a certain level of respect in a relationship, and that includes the way that someone speaks and behaves toward them. Once someone crosses the line of respect, it is very hard to go back. Disrespectful behaviors and speech cross boundaries, and when someone crosses them, they tend to do it again and again. If someone doesn’t respect you enough to speak kindly or act appropriately, then you have a right to be resentful and, at some point, to move along and find someone who will.
Kicking the Can
When you don’t resolve conflict or find a way to work through it, it can feel similar to kicking the can down the line. The only difference is that unresolved conflict builds, and then it becomes a backpack that women carry around of all the things that they didn’t get an answer or resolution to. You can only carry the burden of resentment for so long. Eventually, that baggage's weight gets too great. And when that load is too heavy to carry, you necessarily need to put the backpack down and walk away.
Betrayal
When you are in a relationship, you assume that you have a safe zone where what you say and do is between two people. If the man that you are with doesn’t feel as if there is a sanctity in what you say between you and is okay sharing your intimate thoughts and feelings with others, that is a betrayal. The more betrayal someone feels, the more resentment grows. Once you've lost trust, it becomes difficult to confide or trust someone, and you can’t have a relationship without a certain level of trust, period.
Stressors
One of the beautiful things about a relationship is the ability to lean on someone and reduce your burdens. If a woman has a ton of stress on her and there is no acknowledgment or help from her male companion, that can breed feelings of resentment. It isn’t a man’s job to step in and save a damsel in distress, but not even trying to help leaves a woman in a very hopeless situation of going it alone. If you are going to go it alone, why not just be alone?
Ignoring Growth
For a relationship to grow and prosper, each person needs to continually grow emotionally. If a man is so focused on his own growth and success and ignores the same in his partner, that can lead to a sense of resentment. Everyone wants to be recognized for their accomplishments, and they also want to be supported to be the best version of themselves. If someone is all about “me,” then there is no room for anyone else.
Expecting Too Much
You are right in a relationship to expect certain things, but not if what you expect is more than you should. When you put expectations on someone that are higher than they can attain, that leads to a sense of failure. Over time, when someone feels as if they are continually not measuring up, they stop trying. It is a good thing to want the best from your mate, but not when it makes them feel inadequate. Then, it just becomes a scenario where you are basically saying that they are not good enough. Feeling not good enough is not good enough to sustain a healthy relationship.
Feeling Like He Settled
Every relationship should have a sense of comfortability. When that comfortability feels more like a cop-out from getting what you really want or think you should have, that can make someone feel not good enough. Couples don’t need to and shouldn’t have to set the world on fire, but there should be some fire between them. When you treat someone like they are “good enough” but nothing great, it will eventually lead to feelings of resentment.
Low Desire
When you first started dating, you probably couldn’t get enough of one another. If a guy suddenly stops or over time, it makes it feel like he has had his fill, that can really tear at the way a woman feels about herself. We all want to be wanted, and if the person we are with is acting as if that is not the case, that can create a lot of resentment in a relationship. Emotional closeness comes with intimacy of various kinds, and if the man in your life doesn’t want the kind you do, it hurts.
Cheating
Some women will forgive, and some won’t. Those who choose to stay and say they forgive but don’t forget might build a wall of resentment around them. There is a big difference between saying you forgive someone and genuinely forgiving them. Letting go and forgiving doesn’t mean that you forget, but it does mean that you have to let it go and move forward, or you will end up resenting your partner forever. Resentment acts like cancer in a relationship. It grows and kills everything around it.
Not Chipping in
Women are typically more prone to engage in household chores, but that doesn’t mean that they necessarily want to. Although she might seem like she loves nothing more than doing your laundry and loading the dishwasher, no one enjoys being a servant, especially when it is expected and not appreciated. As a man, you need to know that your mother didn’t enjoy picking up after you, and neither does the woman in your life. The difference is your mother felt the obligation. You must respect her enough to help out.
Shining On Other Women
Some men are just born charmers, and that is probably one reason why she fell in love with you to begin with. That flirtatious soul, however, should be caged if you don’t want to hurt your woman’s feelings. It is okay to be complimentary to other women, but when you give them more attention than you give the woman in your life, that is disrespectful. Certain boundaries should necessarily exist when you are in a relationship. If they don’t, you are building resentment, guaranteed.
Lacking of Emotional Support
One of the biggest advantages of being in a relationship is support. If you have a man in your life who is not providing you with emotional support, then you can start to wonder why you are with them. Being in a relationship and having someone there but not really there is worse than not having anyone. Women who don’t get their emotional needs met end up feeling lonely, isolated, and confused. Nothing’s worse than expecting the person who is supposed to be there for you, not to be there.
Attention
When you are in a relationship, you expect a certain level of attention. If someone makes you feel like you are invisible or that you don’t matter, that can start to wear on your self-esteem and make you feel unworthy of it. It is natural to have friends and interests outside of one another, but a woman who feels as if they aren’t ever a priority will begin to resent it. Once resentment takes over, there is no going back.
Resentment is similar to carrying a backpack of emotional hurt. When you are with someone and don’t express how you feel either out of fear or just because confrontation is uncomfortable, eventually, you will begin to resent them. Women want to be supported, loved and acknowledged in a relationship. If they are not, there is only so long that they will continue to swallow it and go along. If you want to keep your relationship strong, don’t let things build to the point where there is a boiling point. When that happens, things boil over, and that can lead to things being over for good.
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