19 Ways You’re Failing as a Wife

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A healthy marriage thrives on mutual respect, open communication, and shared responsibilities. But a marriage can last a long time, and you might have heard the saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” The longer we are in a relationship, the more effort we must make to stay attentive to the needs of our partner. Women especially have so many competing demands, and they are constantly battling expectations to be good wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, and employees. This means that they sometimes struggle to keep all of these balls in the air. Here are 19 signs that you might’ve dropped the ball on your duties of being a good wife. 

Neglecting Intimacy

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Physical and romantic intimacy are the only things that separate a relationship from a friendship, so if you aren’t making an effort with your husband in the intimacy department, Houston, we have a problem. 

Poor Communication

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We’re sure you’ve heard it before, but you’re going to hear it again. Relationships are all about “Communication, communication, communication.” Effective communication is the backbone of any relationship. If you often shut down conversations or avoid discussing important issues, it can lead to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts between you and your spouse. 

Constant Criticism

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We live in such a critical world, and we only have to step outside the front door to experience criticism of our outfits, our body shape, our career choices, and everything in between. A romantic relationship is supposed to be our safe place where we can seek refuge from a hypercritical society. So, if you are constantly criticizing your husband and putting him down instead of lifting him up, this is a clear sign that you aren’t being a good wife. 

Lack of Appreciation

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If another human has chosen to spend the rest of their life with you, don’t you think that deserves some appreciation? Failing to appreciate your husband's efforts and contributions can make him feel undervalued and unloved. But regularly expressing gratitude can significantly boost his morale and the overall happiness in your marriage.

Prioritizing Others Over Him

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Women wear many hats, and the joke about the multitasking skills of women is actually no joke. But, if you want to be a good wife, then you have to set firm boundaries that allow you to prioritize your husband's needs. Regularly putting others, such as friends or extended family, before your husband can make him feel neglected. Strive to maintain a balance that prioritizes your marriage.

Being Overly Controlling

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Micromanaging your husband and making decisions unilaterally is a sure sign that you are not being a good wife. Controlling behavior can stifle his sense of autonomy and breed resentment. Instead, you should aim for shared decision-making to foster a healthier dynamic. 

Lack of Support

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If the person you’re married to isn’t supporting you, who is? Not being supportive of your husband’s endeavors is definitely a sign that you’re not a good wife. Instead, a good wife makes an effort to show empathy and understanding to her husband, especially during difficult times, whether it’s to do with his family, career, or his health. Being a good wife means being part of his support system. 

Disrespecting Boundaries

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Just because you’re married to someone, it doesn't give you the right to disrespect their boundariesViolating your husband's boundaries, whether physical, emotional, or social, can create significant friction and is a clear sign that you aren’t being a good wife. 

Financial Irresponsibility

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Mismanaging finances or being irresponsible with money can cause severe stress in a marriage. Financial transparency and joint decision-making about expenses are vital for a harmonious, healthy marriage

Ignoring His Needs

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Neglecting your husband's needs, be they emotional, physical, or psychological, can lead to dissatisfaction and unhappiness, and it’s a red flag of not being a good wife. If you want to rectify this, then make sure to regularly check in with him and try to understand and address his needs.

Lack of Trust

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Distrust or frequent accusations can create toxicity in a relationship. If you are constantly mistrusting your partner and accusing him of cheating or lying, this is not the trait of a good wife. Trust is foundational in a marriage, and working on building and maintaining it is a crucial step toward becoming the good wife that you know you can be. 

Emotional Withdrawal

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Emotionally withdrawing from your husband, especially during conflicts, can exacerbate issues. If you want to be a good wife instead, make an effort to engage in open and honest conversations to resolve conflicts healthily.

Not Taking Responsibility

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Failing to take responsibility for your mistakes or blaming your husband for all problems can be detrimental to your marriage. Acknowledging your faults and working on them shows maturity and commitment to the relationship.


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Being rigid and unwilling to compromise can create unnecessary tension. Flexibility and willingness to meet halfway are essential for a balanced, healthy relationship.

Neglecting Personal Growth

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Relying solely on your husband for personal happiness and neglecting your growth can put undue pressure on him. Make a conscious effort to pursue personal interests and self-improvement to bring more to the relationship.

Overlooking Special Occasions

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Consistently forgetting special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries can hurt your husband and make him feel unvalued and unloved. Good wives make an effort to celebrate their partner on special occasions, and these small gestures of remembrance can mean a lot and strengthen the bond between you both.

Undermining His Efforts

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If you frequently undermine or belittle your husband's efforts, this is a clear sign that you are not a good wife. It can discourage him and negatively affect his confidence and self-esteem. Instead, celebrate his achievements and encourage him to pursue his goals.

Poor Conflict Resolution

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Handling conflicts poorly, whether through aggression or withdrawal, can be destructive in any relationship. Research shows that one of the keys to marriages that last is engaging in “good fights.” This is why you should learn healthy conflict resolution strategies to manage disagreements constructively.

Lack of Emotional Intelligence

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Not being attuned to your husband's emotional needs and failing to respond empathetically can create emotional distance. As human beings, we are all just trying to get our needs met, and if our needs aren’t being met within our romantic relationship, this can sometimes lead people to “stray” as they search to get them met somewhere else. This is why developing emotional intelligence is crucial for a deep, committed, and loving relationship.

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