You would think that being too likable is equivalent to being too rich or too thin; not a thing. The truth is, however, that being likable might not be such a likable thing. With any good, there must be some bad, a yin to a yang. It is discouraging that the saying “no good deed goes unpunished” is true. So, what is so unlikable about being likable? And, in the end, is it worth it to be good?
People Take Advantage
One of the biggest drawbacks to being likable is that people often take advantage of your kindness. Liked people are usually the most helpful, kind, and available to those around them. Sometimes, when you give an inch, many will take ten miles, leaving you exhausted and worn out. Protecting your peace and setting clear barriers is always a good idea, or your job of being liked will never end.
You Have to be the Extravert
Science tells us that extroverts are more outgoing people. They also tend to be the first to initiate a relationship. That means that likable people tend to put themselves out there first. The back draw is that they tend to be more vulnerable and open themselves to hurt and rejection.
You Feel the Sting of Rejection More Often
When you are likable, you are more communicative and tend to put yourself out there. The more you do, the more likely you are to be hurt intentionally or unintentionally. Regardless of how the sting is, it is the same. Although you would think that someone likable would harden to rejection, they usually don’t, so it makes for a much more emotionally hard lifestyle.
You Have to Carry Your Own Weight
Likable people like to talk to people, and they care about them. That means they want to know more and often find themselves in a position where they must carry the weight of a conversation. Being the one to hold up both ends of communication can be exhausting and awkward in some situations. They often feel pressured to be “nice” and continue to engage even when it isn’t fun or something they want to do.
You Feel a Higher Sense of Responsibility
Being likable is like a drug. The more liked you are, the more you want to be liked. That can lead you down an endless road to be liked more. If it sounds emotionally exhausting, there is a good reason, and it is. Likable people tend to carry a higher sense of responsibility about keeping things going, making everyone else happy, and taking it personally when someone isn’t entirely happy with them.
You are Usually More Empathic
What can the back draw of being empathetic possibly be? When you are compassionate, it means that you can feel and understand the emotions of others. Sometimes, that can feel like you are an emotional sponge. Dealing with one’s emotions is enough; when you have to add others to the mix and worry about them, there is a lot of turmoil to deal with. The more empathetic you are, the more stress you take on and the likability you become. It is a vicious cycle of emotional baggage.
You Often Become the One Cornered
At any cocktail event or party, you will usually find the most likable one in the room corner, at least for a while, by someone talking their ear off. Likable people are more patient and tolerant of others. So, they become a magnet for socially awkward or inept people. Because they are the ones who will not excuse themselves and make an exit at the first sign of boredom, they stick around and tend to get stuck in conversation with people that no one else wants to talk with.
Overpromising is Your Thing
Likable people want to be liked. They tend to overpromise when they are already short on time. Overpromising can have likable people running around trying to please everyone but themselves. They want to please people and be a “good” person, so they will do and promise things that no one else would. Also, because everyone knows they are the go-to, the more they promise, the more they are asked.
No is Not in Your Vocabulary
No is a word that most people find pretty easy to say when they don’t or can’t do something. The word no is uncomfortable for likable people and makes them feel bad. Often, they will say yes to things they don’t want to do and can’t. For someone who cares greatly about being liked and likable, it can lead to a life of servitude, which is often not reciprocated.
You are Highly Independent of a Fault
Speaking of not being reciprocated, likable people often will not only not say “No,” but they will not ask for the help of others. Fearful that they might put someone in a bad position or bother them, likable people take care of things on their own, so when you wrap up doing things on your own, along with doing everyone else’s stuff, that can lead to a very tiring way to live.
It is Exhausting
Being likable is exhausting. Not only do you worry about what people think of you, you worry if you don’t show up for a party if you didn’t say “Hello” enough, that you aren’t there for your friends, and that you didn’t show up for your co-worker all at the same time. Likable people tend to harbor a lot of anxiety. It is a hard job to please all the people all the time. Even worse, you never can, making it that much harder.
Everything is Your Fault
Well-liked people might not know “no,” but they see “sorry.” When you are a good person and liked, you tend to take responsibility for everything, even when it isn’t your fault. Likable people feel sorry for things they didn’t have anything to do with. Remorse is a strong emotion, and having it all the time can take its toll.
You're More Prone to Depression
People who care about others and their feelings tend to experience depression more than less empathetic people. Because you always worry about everyone and their feelings, it can lead to hopelessness. Not pleasing everyone all the time, or sometimes seemingly not pleasing anyone all the time, leads to a high degree of anxiety and depression. Making things worse, likable people won’t vent to others. They keep their feelings in to avoid bothering others or being a Debbie Downer.
You’re Held to a Higher Standard of Nice
When someone isn’t very likable, they are somehow accepted as unlikable. People who are well-liked, however, and you have a bad day are rarely given a pass. When a likable person loses it and erupts, it appears to come out of nowhere and is seen as more aggressive or unwarranted. Good people often mask their emotions so they don't bother others with them until they can’t anymore. Because it is not expected and the degree goes from zero to one hundred, no one overlooks it or gives them a pass.
Angry is not an Acceptable Emotion
Being angry is not very likable. Likable people are supposed to go with the flow and never get riled. Most people, when upset, will just confront the person who did something to hurt their feelings directly. Likable people often hold it in and don’t say anything. They will give people a pass and always seek to understand what the other person is going through. Internalized anger has nowhere to go, so keeping everything inside eventually catches up with you. It also tends to take its toll on you both physically and emotionally.
You Include Everyone
Likable people don’t like to leave anyone out for fear of hurting their feelings. When they have parties, all are invited. Not only does that lead to a lot of chaos, but it is also expensive. Often picking up the check for the room or paying more than their fair share, being likable drains you physically, emotionally, and monetarily.
You Spend a Lot of Time Dancing and Not in a Good Way
Good people don’t want to see others unhappy or stressed, so they often take a lot of the burden on themselves and dance their way through life. They feel that it is their job to help others make lemonade out of lemons. They also bring the lemons, juice them, and serve them up for all. Being positive is a great way to live life, and science tells us that positive people enjoy better health and happiness, but there is a downside to always being the pick-me-up for everyone. Living in a world where everything is always “good” leaves no room to process the bad of life.
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