It’s hard out there these days to meet someone who checks all your boxes. The culture of dating apps and hookups often lends itself to flings and insignificant connections that don’t have the potency to withstand the test of time. The truth is that nobody will ever meet every single criterion on your list, but the right person will meet those non-negotiables and find ways to fill in the rest through either growth or surprising exceptions or substitutions. Here are 20 of the character traits to look out for that make men good boyfriends and husbands.
He Has a Good Heart
You can tell when someone just has a kind heart. It shows in everything they say and do. Of course, everybody screws up sometimes and says things they don’t mean that are hurtful. In general, though, if a man is thoughtful and gentle, he probably has the capacity to become a good boyfriend or husband to you.
He’s Confident in Himself
Remember that confidence and arrogance are two very different things, but a guy who is confident not only in himself but also in the relationship will be far less likely to be insecure or jealous. If a man is truly confident, he won’t try to control you because he accepts who you are as being wonderful and trusts your judgment. Most problems in relationships can be traced back to insecurity in some way.
He’s Trustworthy
This one is obvious but tends to get overlooked at times if a man is charming enough. No relationship can survive without deep trust, and this means you need to be able to rely on him in every sense of the word. You need to trust that he will make the drive to see you or that he will politely turn down the girl who hits on him at the bar. He’s got to be there for you in every aspect of the relationship.
He Loves Animals
A man who values animals and feels emotions towards them is always a green flag. Animals are the purest beings in our world. Not to get too extreme, but a common early sign of sociopathy is harming animals, so someone who doesn’t care for them is pretty concerning. If a guy doesn’t have a big heart for them, it may show a lack of empathy all around.
He Can Make Fun of Himself
A lot of men who are hyper-masculine struggle to laugh at themselves or show weakness, but being able to be a little self-deprecating actually shows strength and confidence. It also shows that he doesn’t take life too seriously and he will actually be a fun person to kill time with.
He’s Respectful
He needs to show that he respects you, other people, and himself. This means valuing and maintaining the dignity of everyone in any given situation as much as possible, and perhaps with his partner, it can mean making compromises, thanking you when you’ve done something kind, or acknowledging your boundaries. Being respectful in a relationship can be demonstrated in whatever ways work for the specific couple, but the bottom line is that you should never question if he thinks of you two as equals.
He’s Chivalrous
Let’s be honest. We all want a guy who is going to make us feel safe and protected. You can be a strong, self-sufficient woman who still wants to feel like the guy you’re with can and will take care of you. We take care of our men in our own ways, and it’s important that this quality is reciprocal, but being a woman in this world can be scary at times, and it’s nice to feel like your partner will protect you.
He’s Intuitive When it Comes to Your Feelings
Over the course of a relationship, you begin to learn the person inside and out. When you have an instinctual connection with someone, it often feels like you can read their moods without even trying. It is such a promising thing when you think you’ve kept something to yourself and the guy you’re dating calls out exactly what you’ve been feeling. It’s scary to be so vulnerable, but that openheartedness will make your relationship flourish.
He’s Communicative
It is cliché but true that communication is the key to any healthy relationship. Many people, specifically men, shut down and struggle to say how they truly feel, but it is impossible to be in a happy dynamic without this skill. If a man is open with his genuine feelings, you can at the very least trust that he will be honest with you and that you won’t have to fight for him to share things.
He’s Transparent
Sometimes, there is a fine line between transparency and bluntness, but the ideal man will walk that line skillfully. It definitely takes time and practice to learn how best to share things with your partner, but a good man will be frank with you while still being kind and thoughtful about his words.
He Knows When to Just Listen.
This is a quality that can be learned. Yay! Men generally want to swoop in and solve your problems. When you complain to them about something, they just hear, “What should I do?” It’s important to communicate to your partner when you want advice and when you just want to vent. A good man will be receptive to what you need and follow suit.
He Encourages You to Follow Your Dreams
In an adult relationship, it’s important to encourage each other to follow your career passions while still prioritizing the relationship. This looks different for every couple, but regardless, your boyfriend or husband should always support you in doing what makes you happy, even if the specifics of that need to be discussed as a couple.
He’s Humble
A good husband knows he wouldn’t be the man he is without his partner uplifting and supporting him. Not all his successes are accredited to you, of course, but he should know and make sure you know that your love and encouragement play a big part. He should also be the kind of guy who gives credit to other people in his life who have uplifted him, like his family or friends.
He Shows Up When He Says He Will
It can be deeply traumatizing to be in a relationship where the person stops showing up for you when they’ve needed to. It makes you overly anxious about their feelings for you as well as your own worth. Non-negotiable, you need someone who is going to be there when he says he will, for the important stuff. Period.
He’s Patient
Everyone deserves grace when it comes to navigating life. This could mean in your career, personal growth, and, of course, relationships. At the start of a relationship, you may have carried over trauma or pain from previous ones that will take some time to heal with your new love. In such scenarios, it’s essential to have a man who can be patient and help you grow rather than one who will rush you to do things you’re not ready for.
He Can Hold His Own in Social Situations
An often underrated quality, this is crucial in a long-term partner, particularly if you’re a social butterfly yourself. When you take him on vacation with your family or to a college friend’s wedding, you want to be able to hang out with your people and catch up without feeling a need to babysit.
He’s Sensitive
Men are conditioned to believe they shouldn’t be sensitive or soft. They are trained from an early age to hide their vulnerable sides and present as tough or invincible, but this often leads to shutting out necessary emotions and conversations. You need a man who can open up about his feelings because everyone has them, and if he is not showing them now, they will eventually bubble up and boil over in less-than-desirable ways.
He’s Open to New Experiences
It’s totally fine to be a creature of habit, but that doesn’t mean you should completely shut yourself off from the possibility of doing something new. Especially if you’re the kind of person who likes to branch out and have adventures, you need someone who wants to do the same thing so that you can actually go out and enjoy life together.
He Shows Empathy
It’s important for him to be able to relate to your experiences and emotions, even if he hasn’t been through them himself. In straight relationships, there is often a disconnect due to how boys and girls are socialized growing up, and a man who doesn’t demonstrate empathy will strain to connect with his female partner because he has never experienced a lot of her struggles himself.
He’s Motivated by a Future with You
This is huge. If a man is driven by the possibility of sharing a life with you, he will show it through his actions, day by day, and the big picture. The right guy will fight for you, and he will fight for your shared happiness in everything he does, whether it be communicating through a disagreement or the career he chooses.
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