There is no denying that men and women see things differently, especially in a relationship. Whereby, men tend to be more task-oriented; women are more socio-emotional. Much like speaking a different language, that can lead to some couples being on a completely different page. Since the two sexes communicate differently, each needs to understand how their words and behaviors can turn the other one off. If your goal is to have your guy come to the table to communicate rather than push to get away, these are behaviors to avoid.
Nagging
Women are taught to be softer and to avoid aggression, so when there is conflict, they tend to whisper their needs rather than confront them. Although a softer approach, not confronting an issue head-on can lead to having to say the same thing over and over. What a guy hears, however, is not friendly; they hear it as repetitive nagging. Since men are more confrontationally comfortable, it is best to say what you want clearly and put the issue to bed rather than to repetitively broach the subject if something is bothering you.
Pressure Tactics
Men often need more time to process their emotions. If they are pressed for an answer immediately, their immediate response is typically avoidance. The more they avoid something, the more women tend to require an answer, and then the two are left at a standstill. True to nature, if you chase, a man will run. Give him some time to process what you are asking for and then the space to figure it out. He will come back, but you do need to give him room to do so.
Assumptions
Science tells us that a woman’s brain, on average, is more active than a man's. That is why women are more vulnerable to experiencing anxiety. It is also why when a man is silent, a woman wrongly assumes that he is thinking something. Continually asking a man what he is thinking, what’s wrong, or what’s going on, is like torture for a guy. When he says “Nothing,” he probably really means it. Assuming he is hiding something is a surefire way to push him away with your desire to uncover the secret of what is running through his mind. Safely assume there is nothing wrong unless he says so.
Over Analyzing
Since women tend to have way more thoughts than a man daily, they tend to worry and overanalyze. Women are way more complex in their thinking and evoke more emotions and concern over situations. That can lead to a woman continually seeking more information about something or reading into a situation something that isn’t there. If a man says something, take it at face value. Since they are task-oriented, if they don’t get the result they want from what they say, they will bring it up again.
Being Clingy (Needy)
Women sometimes have a hard time making a connection with a man because men aren’t always as emotionally deep. That can lead to behaviors of needing more or “being clingy.” If you hold on tightly to something and it doesn’t want to be held onto it, it will push away to gain freedom. The more you push to be close, the harder someone will counter to get away. Being needy or clingy in a relationship with a man cues their need for independence and will get you the exact opposite of the reaction you seek.
Passive Aggressiveness
Words such as “Fine” or “Nothing” are fine and nothing if that is what they mean. Men are not over analyzers so if you say something, mean it. When you are passive-aggressive, meaning you say one thing, intending another, then you are going to create hostility in the relationship. Men aren’t as prone to subtle cues; they speak directly, so your passive-aggressive response will just come across as aggressive.
Guilt and Manipulation
As a child, you probably didn’t like the way that your parents would guilt you to try to manipulate you to do what they wanted. Men don’t like it when you use the same tactics with them. Guilt works on a man’s psyche and becomes internalized making him feel poorly about himself. It is hard to have a stable or enjoyable relationship when someone continually makes you feel poorly about who you are. There is no room for manipulation in a relationship, and if you use it, eventually he is going to get tired and walk away.
Needing External Attention
Playing hard to get might have worked when you were trying to catch his attention. But it can't be a staple in a healthy relationship. If you need something more from your significant other, trying to find it by making him jealous or replacing it by getting the attention of someone else, is not a good tactic. Everyone wants to feel loved and wanted. It's better, however, to do things in your relationship to get the attention you seek, not outside of it.
Emotional Impulsivity
When you are emotional, it is easy to let things get out of hand and use over-the-top phrases to get a reaction. Unfortunately, an impulse replay or action is usually not what you want or crave. Being overly emotional and saying things that hurt, which you can’t take back, will continue to put holes in your relationship. Over time, those little holes will become major and unrepairable ones. Calm down before you approach an emotion-laden situation so you don’t end up saying things you might not mean.
Gaslighting or Playing Mind Games
Much like manipulation, playing mind games or gaslighting anyone is never the answer. Things like giving the silent treatment, turning off your read sign, or blocking someone are never the way to go. Playing mind games will only lessen your healthy communication and lead to the beginning of the end. Be transparent and honest if you want a man to pull closer instead of pulling away.
Low Self-Esteem or Feelings of Worth
If you don’t love yourself, no one can truly love you. It might sound cliche, but it is not. If you don’t have the confidence or self-worth that you need to stand alone, you can’t expect it to come from someone else. Constantly needing validation and affirmation about what you mean to someone is exhausting. You have to be secure enough to know who you are and what you deserve. No one can define it for you. That is a recipe for disaster for both people in a relationship.
Being Overly Affectionate
Not every guy wants to have a special ringtone or hold hands every time you are together. If closeness is your thing, then there is a time or place for it. Being overly affectionate when someone else doesn’t want to be, comes across not as affectionate, but aggressive. When around other people, it can also be embarrassing and overbearing. If he is giving you signals to back off and you don’t, he will pull away, guaranteed.
Providing Artificial Praise
Men usually like it when you stoke their ego but only when it is sincere. If you are overly praising him, then it actually can come across as condescending. Praising someone over and over just waters the message and makes it lose its meaning. Don’t placate him; he isn’t a child.
Acting Like His Mother
Your significant other already has a mother. He doesn’t need another one. There is a difference between working together to bring out the best in each other. If, however, you are constantly telling him what to do, or worse, pointing out all that he is doing wrong, then that will become irritating and be grounds for pushing away. It isn’t your job to raise him. He is already an adult.
Looking for Negative Attention
The phrase any attention is attention might be true, but that doesn’t mean that all attention is good or healthy. If you are not getting what you need in a relationship, constantly picking at him, sending him messages to start an argument, or just being on top of him will not get you the positive attention you need. It will do the opposite. If you need more from him, tell him. If he doesn’t have more to give, then you need to accept it or walk away.
Playing Damsel in Distress
Playing helpless might have worked in the beginning when things were fresh and new. Men tend to be protectors and they want to make sure the people they love are cared for. If, however, you are constantly the damsel in distress and need saving, that will become exhausting. What you will probably find is that your requests will soon fall on deaf ears like the boy who cried wolf. No one can save you, but you. Save yourself from having him push you away by cleaning up your own mess sometimes.
Nitpicking
Women tend to beat something to death when they feel as if they are not being heard. You are not perfect, and neither is he, but trying to change him is not going to work. Being in a relationship means accepting those things about your mate and choosing to overlook them, not pick them to pieces.
Making Him the Center of Your Universe
He is a very important part of your life, but when you make him the center of your universe, that puts a lot of pressure on him. Healthy relationships are those where both people have a sense of self outside of it. Dependence is when you rely on him for everything, including your happiness. No one person can provide you with that. Putting too much responsibility for your care on him will surely have him pulling away.
Being Overly Dramatic
If you are always overly dramatic about things, he will get numb to it. Save the drama for when you truly do have a problem that you need him for. Men love to be there to help, but not all day, every day. Keep your emotions in check, and remember that men tend to run from things that require heavy emotion. If that is all he gets from you, avoidance will usually be his response.
Men and women behave and communicate very differently. If you want to have a healthy relationship, and one where your significant other is turning to you instead of running from you, it is important to understand their needs as well. It isn’t that you should hide those parts of you that might be too much. You do, however, have to appreciate where he is coming from and what he needs from you. The harder you try to get what you want, the more he will push away, especially if he wants something else. In the end, you have to either accept what he is and also what he is willing to give or walk away. The only person’s behaviors and reactions that you can control are your own, period.
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