Describing nice is like describing vanilla, it isn’t fantastic or exciting, but it is stable and constant. When someone describes another person as “nice” it usually means they have a predisposition for kindness and empathy, but not everyone who thinks they are nice, is. Many people would say that they are nice, but when you look at their behaviors, they might not be as nice as they think. If you do these things, you should rethink what adjectives would describe you, because nice is probably not one of them.
You Act as Judge and Jury
It is really easy to judge other people for what they say and do. Often, we fail to look past the behaviors and actions to see what is going on behind the scenes and why someone is acting out. Humans are more opt to judge their own actions as fair and just, and others as something lacking in them. If you act as judge and jury, then you’re not as nice as you think. Nice people give people the benefit of the doubt.
You Think You’re Better Than Everyone Else
Nice people don’t think they are better than other people based on superficial things like the way you look or the way someone dresses. If you are someone who looks down on others and thinks that you are better than everyone due to external characteristics, that makes you not very nice. Not everyone is born with the same advantages, but that doesn’t make them inherently lower than someone who was blessed with more.
You Make Fun of People in “Good Fun”
Although some people are seemingly totally okay poking fun at themselves or being self-deprecating, that doesn't necessarily mean they are a good sport. It might be a sign of insecurity. Nice people don’t poke fun at others under the guise of “good fun.” Even if someone is okay with being self-deprecating, that doesn’t give you permission to join in. Nice people understand that there is a difference in saying something bad about yourself versus someone cutting you down.
You Waste People’s Time
If you are a nice person, then you know that other people’s time is just as valuable as your own. People who are perpetually late for appointments, movies, parties, and everything else in their lives tend to think that their time is more important than others. They believe that things start when they show up. Putting others off or wasting their time is not nice at all, it is selfish and says a lot about you.
You Have no Problem Asking for Things
It isn’t necessarily bad to ask others for things you need. It is not nice, however, if it is a prevalent theme in the way that someone behaves. Someone who is more than happy to continue to ask for favors but never really gives them, is not nice. Nice people believe in reciprocality and never take more than they are willing to give.
You Ignore People in Need
Nice people are empathetic and they understand when someone needs something. Once more, if they are in a position to help, they always do. Niceness is about having concern for others and treating them the way that you would want to be treated. If you can ignore the concerns of others around you, that doesn’t make you very nice.
And Back to Me…
A conversation is about give and take. Those who dominate the conversation and never let you get a word in edgewise are not nice. When someone only asks you questions about you to lead it back to themselves, that is a red flag that they might be more self-serving than selfless. Also, they could probably careless about what is happening with you or what you need.
You Don’t Dial it Down
We all know that person who gets on a roll and doesn’t back down. Nice people are concerned with the way that they make people around them feel. If you are someone who doesn’t read the room and continues acting more and more like “you” regardless if you are making other people feel edgy, that might mean you're as nice as you think you are. It is important to respect the comfort level of others. That doesn’t mean that you have to change who you are. It does, however, mean that you should be considerate of others' feelings and how you affect them.
You’re Rude to People in the Service Industry
Nice people are nice to everyone. If you are nice to your friends but treat waitresses, waiters, and bellhops horribly, that shows your true character. The way that you treat people when no one is paying attention is the real you and speaks volumes about who you really are.
You Bring Everyone Down
Not everyone has a sunny disposition. It is okay if you tend to look on the dark side sometimes, but if you can take a room down in ten seconds simply by being you, that might mean that you aren’t entirely nice. Nice people want to bring out the best in those around them not bring everyone down. If you walk around like a little cheer-robber, that’s not so nice at all.
You're Passive Aggressive
We all know that passive-aggressive person, they are the ones who say things that are supposed to be nice, but somehow they make you feel not so nice. Passive-aggressive people don't want to be outwardly unkind, so they do it covertly. By smiling and pretending that they don’t know that they are being nasty, they disarm people and confuse them. There is nothing nice about being nasty or confusing.
You're Unkind to Animals
No matter how nice you want to think you are, if you are mean or harmful to animals, you are not. The way that we treat the most helpless creatures that rely on others speaks volumes about who and what we are. Not everyone loves cats, but that doesn’t mean that it is okay to be cruel to them.
Manipulation is Your Number one Tool
If you use manipulation tactics to get people to do what you want, you are not a nice person. People who manipulate others aren’t concerned about anyone but themselves. Lying, controlling, being nasty, and coercion are all tools that manipulative people use, and none of those things are nice, period.
You Enjoy the Rumor Mill
Misery certainly does love company for someone who engages in gossip and rumor. Nice people take care of what they need to in their own lives and don’t relish in the misfortune of others. Perpetually taking glee in talking badly about someone or telling others about things that are not yours to tell, makes you a not-so-nice person.
You Refuse to Take Responsibility
A good person can admit when they are wrong. They can also say sorry when they have done something to hurt another person. If you can’t admit when you’ve done something to hurt another or take responsibility for the way that you’ve made someone feel, then you aren’t nice enough to care about how you affect others. When you have slighted someone, regardless of your intentions, you say sorry. That’s the nice thing to do.
You're the Jealous Kind
Jealousy is a natural human emotion, but not if it is a way that you live your daily life. There are times when everyone wishes they could be someone else, or that they can have what they don’t have. If it guides your life, however, and leads to resentment, then you aren’t very nice. Instead of being jealous, work harder to get what you want and stop blaming others for what they do.
You Play the Victim
Everyone feels victimized sometimes, but if it is a constant way of life for you, then that’s not nice. When you play the victim, it means that you aren’t taking responsibility for the part that you play in what happens to you. Things never happen in a vacuum and if you are continually feeling like everyone has wronged you, it is an excellent idea to start examining your part of the equation.
Niceness is Found in What You Do When no One is Looking
Everyone wants to believe that they are nice, but that doesn’t make them so. Covert behaviors and what you do when no one is looking is what defines you most. Nice people are consistently so and guide their lives with understanding and empathy, not judgement and lack of accountability. It is an excellent idea to do a reality check once in a while to make sure that you are really as nice as you think you are.
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