There is no exact science or guidebook about why one relationship lasts, and another doesn't. In all failed relationships, there are two parties, and it is never about one person or one act. Gender differences exist in how men and women communicate and what they do and do not want in a serious relationship. Men break it off with their significant others all the time and for many different reasons, but some common things tend to put the final dagger that rips it all to shreds.
Little to No Trust
Whether it is baggage from a previous relationship or because something has happened within the current one, one of the common reasons men say that they can’t take a relationship further is lack of trust. Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship; unfortunately, without it, there can never be the kind of vulnerability and intimacy that a long-term relationship thrives on.
Lack of Appreciation
Everyone wants to feel appreciation in a relationship; sometimes, more importantly, they want to feel as if the other person is giving as much as they are. Feelings of equity and fairness in a relationship are very important for two people to be mutually satisfied in the long term. When a man feels he is giving 90% and his girlfriend is giving about 10%, that is usually when he will call it quits.
Different Goals in Life
It is very hard to maintain a long-term relationship when you and your partner want different things for the future. If he wants to settle down and have kids, but his girlfriend is on the fast track to corporate head, that will sometimes create enough conflict to end the journey together. If both parties aren’t willing to give a little, then men are likely to take it on the road and move along to find someone who wants the same things out of life.
Not Getting Enough Attention
Men like to get attention, and when they feel neglected, they might look for affection elsewhere. That can have them looking for a different relationship. Most aren’t looking for their mates with “all eyes on me” 24/7, but if girl time is all the time and his time is just about an hour a week, that might be the catalyst to find someone willing to give more of themselves in the relationship.
Cheating and Being Unfaithful
Not all humans are built for monogamy. Some men just can’t fathom being with the same woman for the rest of their lives. Once the initial lust phase of the relationship has run its course, things can become more stable and comfortable. For some guys, that feels like the love is gone. When that happens, they are likely to move along and try to find another mate to bring back those feelings of excitement. Unfortunately, that is a long hard road to head down. No one can sustain lust forever, which means they will probably bounce from one relationship to the next when things hit a lull.
Lack of Money
A long-term relationship takes the pooling of two people’s efforts, and that usually includes money and finances. If a man feels as if a woman is not contributing her share, then it usually will result in conflict. If a woman is spending out of control or won’t allow him to spend the way that he wants, that will also be a source of contention. After a while, money stress and financial strain can start to build resentment, and when it does, it is usually difficult to turn things around.
Intimacy Problems
Couples tend to be hot and heavy at the start and enjoy a high degree of physical intimacy. As real life creeps in and schedules drag on, those stolen moments alone can become infrequent. Most men require a certain level of intimacy to feel bonded and connected to someone. If his counterpart isn’t as affectionate and okay without it, that can lead to problems in the bedroom, extending into everyday life. When one partner isn’t getting their needs met, there is usually a breakdown that leads to a breakup.
Difficulties Communicating
Men sometimes have a harder time processing their feelings and can become overwhelmed by the emotional intensity of their partner. The two of those factors together can lead to a breakdown in being able to communicate and work through everyday issues and the big ones as well.
Fragmented Communication and Frustration
If you have ever tried to communicate with someone who speaks a different language, getting your point across or understanding theirs can lead to confusion and frustration. Frustration often manifests itself as anger and resentment. If you can’t ever find a middle ground to come together, then there is no meeting place. The farther apart you drift, the more distant you become until there is nothing left to say besides “Goodbye.”
Unhealthy Addictions
It takes two healthy adults to have a healthy and satisfying relationship. If a man has addictions and won’t come to terms and ask for help, there is really nothing to do in a relationship. When drugs or alcohol take over, it takes over someone’s entire personality until there is nothing left but the need to feed the addiction. That leaves no time for intimacy or room for it in a relationship.
Meddling Others
Studies show that having family and friends opposed to a relationship puts additional strain on the couple. If you have people who are dead set on making sure you don’t survive, it can be like a growing tide that takes you over. If you don’t have the trust and faith to lean on one another, and one of you goes outside and seeks the advice of those who aren’t fond of the union, that can lead to little tears that can eventually rip you apart.
Carrying Baggage
Men who carry baggage and residual issues from their previous relationship into the new one are destined to repeat the same mistakes. If they do, they will probably end up in the same place, single. When someone is protecting themselves for fear of being hurt, they will often use ineffective tools that push others away. In doing so, it makes it nearly impossible for people to bond in the relationship, and without trust and an emotional connection, long-term staying power is not probable.
Manipulation
One of the most commonly used phrases nowadays is gaslighting. It is a manipulation tool that narcissistic personalities use to confuse the person they are fighting with and confuse them into thinking things aren’t what they seem. Everyone is capable of gaslighting to some extent. When it becomes a way of life, however, it can lead to narcissistic abuse and other unhealthy behaviors that often lead to a man walking away from a relationship. Along with manipulation can come control, which means that you try to get someone to do what you want through the use of forceful tactics and fear. In a healthy and mature relationship, there is no room for either of those types of tactics.
Abuse
Along with emotional abuse like narcissistic abuse, there can be physical abuse. One is probably not worse than the other; the main difference is often physical abuse leaves visible scars, and emotional abuse leaves trauma. When you are in a relationship, you have a right to expect safety, and if you do not have that, then it is a dangerous situation. When there is a threat of harm, the only thing that someone should do is to walk away.
Being Smothered
Both men and women enjoy a certain level of personal space, and when one is not providing it, that can make the other feel uncomfortable and want to disconnect. You can’t force someone to want to be with you all the time. Once more, if you limit their freedom to do what they want, that will eventually lead to resentment. Resentment is a cancer in relationships and continues to grow until one day, you wake up, and there is nothing left of a relationship. If a guy is telling you he needs some space, respect it and try not to take it personally.
There are all sorts of reasons why relationships don’t work. While there is no clear set of guidelines that you can use to know what to do in a relationship, there are some common mistakes that can tear even good relationships apart. Being in it for the long term means that you have to establish a certain level of emotional attachment, vulnerability, and trust. If you don’t have any of those, you can’t have the intimacy relationships often require.
If you are in a relationship with a man who doesn’t seem to want to be there, give him space to make up his mind and protect your peace at all costs. You can’t sacrifice your happiness for the sake of someone else. In the end, if you aren’t happy, then there is no way either of you can be.
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