In previous generations, there was a clear understanding of what real men should do and how they should behave. However, over the past several decades, those clearly defined gender roles have become less clear. Toxic masculinity is a term used to define the way that assumptions about what it means to be male can alter the way that men behave negatively. Men, looking for validation, report that they often use these tactics to prove their manhood, whether productive or not.
Aggressive Handshakes
One way that men believe they show masculinity is through dominance. Aggressive or overpowering handshakes are one way to get a leg up on supposed competition. A crushing handshake is supposed to signal a man’s strength. Handshakes seem subtle and easy enough, but for power players, they are anything but. If you get crushed on by a guy with a friendly handshake that appears not-so-friendly, take heed: it wasn’t supposed to be.
The Size and Make of Their Cars
There is a reason why old cars with a lot of power behind them are called “muscle cars.” Muscle cars were termed such because they are usually purchased to show a guy's toughness. Muscle cars and sports cars, in general, show that guys can handle the wheel. For most, the louder the reverberation, the better. A man in a muscle car clearly wants all eyes on him and is anything but quiet about going about it.
Steel Emotions
Science tells us that women tend to be guided and communicate with more emotion than their male counterparts. Many men believe that a true way to validate their masculinity is to have stone-cold emotions. Crying has been a no-no for men who want to appear strong or mentally strong. The reality is that the toughest men are the ones who are vulnerable enough to let their emotions show. Emotions aren’t a sign of weakness; being unable to show them is.
Gender Role Only Household Chores
Throughout history, chores have needed to be done around the house. Traditional gender roles dictate who does what according to their sex. Women have traditionally done the cooking, cleaning, and childrearing, while men gravitate toward the yard, taking out the trash, and paying bills. Although those gender roles are changing, old notions die hard. Some men feel like doing “women’s work” is beneath them and believe that only gender-appropriate chores validate their true masculinity.
Less than Stellar Hygiene
Men typically aren’t into their looks or appearance, or at least the manliest are not supposed to be. Real men don’t pluck their eyebrows, use scented body wash, or use gel; they wrestle in the mud, they turn their underwear inside out instead of washing them, and laundry is a thing that only gets done when clothes start to smell. Although some men believe that poor self-care habits show their masculine side, most other people think that it only shows that they have a lack of self-care, which does not have anything masculine about it.
Wearing Pink
Pink has traditionally symbolized women and blue men. When you have a gender reveal party, the color of the reveal tells everyone whether it is a boy or a girl. Some men still believe that wearing pink diminishes their “maleness.” The real masculine men, however, don’t care what other people think. They wear pink if they want to, just because they can. For the man who knows his own masculinity, the pinker, the better.
Being a Vacant Father
When some guys hear fathers call their kids “buddy” and “bud,” they cringe. Traditionally, child rearing was left for mothers to take care of. Fathers were only supposed to be around to bring out the heavy guns if someone was getting out of line. Today’s dads say that being manly means being emotionally and physically vacant to their offspring. They do more than just discipline their kids or be everyone’s baseball coach. Real men with real maleness help with homework, read at bedtime and drop the kids off at school with a “have a nice day” and kiss on the forehead. Society is better for it!
Not Seeking Medical Care
Guys are supposed to be the tougher gender, so many still subscribe to the tough-it-out notion that when hurt, injured, or sick, they need to just suck it up. Research tells us that men are 77% less likely to seek a medical professional's care when ill or injured. Although stereotypes persist, men who don’t get the medical care they need are much weaker than the ones who are healthy, uninjured, and at the peak of health and performance. It is a real problem when imagination about what is masculine and what is not stopping individuals from getting the care they need for their minds and bodies.
Blind as a Bat
Some men believe that using crutches as a device is a no-no to being male. That includes things like glasses and hearing aids for most men. Being weak and relying on aids to help enhance life are viewed as somehow being feminine, as if women are the only ones who need to see and hear properly. The DMV would disagree with men who think glasses aren’t a necessity.
No Screen Necessary
Sometimes, things used preventatively are viewed as weak, like sunscreen. There is a notion among some men that using stuff like sunscreen is for those who can’t tough it out. Toxic masculinity is in full play when men choose to make decisions for appearance's sake that end up hurting themselves. Not wearing sunscreen is like all other risky behaviors men do to appear more “male.” There is nothing masculine about having skin cancer or the effects of what it can do.
Refusing to Take Shelter
Using things to make life easier and more “posh” is sometimes seen as feminine. Women typically care a little more about the rain hurting their hair or appearance. Men are somehow supposed to be above worrying about how they look. There is nothing fun about sitting around in wet clothes all day. It doesn't make you manly; it just makes someone stupid.
Black Cup of Joe Only
Roughing it out seems to be a prevailing theme of toxic masculinity. That notion even extends to enjoying life a little less than they could. Men who stop at Starbucks for a latte or, goodness forbid, a pumpkin spice one are seen as more demanding and pampered. Real men aren’t pampered nor willing to taste something good. If you are a man who is taking your cup of Joe black only, you are missing out on a whole lot of pleasure needlessly. No one cares what is in your cup.
Shots of Whiskey Only
There is something to be said about seeing a guy drink a glass from a flute with fruit garnish and a little umbrella, but why? When did it become less common for men to want to drink a vacation cocktail and enjoy some tropical flare? If you are stuck on shooting whiskey, you might want to broaden your horizons. You can easily take the umbrella from the glass or ask them to put it into a different one. But it is much better to be so masculine you don’t care about what other people think. Isn't that the definition of strong?
Hatred of Cats
Man’s best friend was termed so because every guy is supposed to have an animal allocated to serve him. The phrase, however, is not termed to cats. Cats are supposed to be more feminine loving, and perhaps because of their fickle nature, it is assumed that women own them. Men limiting themselves to only having dogs and never the companionship of a cat should do so because they just don’t like their independent nature. Not, however, because they accept that cats are only for girls.
Not Using GPS
Since drivers hopped in cars and began going from one place to another, there has been a persistent stereotype that it isn’t masculine to stop for directions. Some guys in the mobile device generation have taken it one step further to not use their GPS for directions. Some men think that getting lost in the middle of nowhere is a male trait; they should rethink it. Along with glasses, hearing aids, umbrellas, and all other devices to make life easier, let it go and enjoy the ride by allowing Siri to show you the way.
Driving Even When They Shouldn't Be Driving
Some men believe that the driver’s seat is only for men. Once more, they still ascribe to the notion that “all women are bad drivers.” Not only is that sexist and untrue, it can put a man in danger. When men choose to drive because they necessarily think only men can, that can lead them to drinking and driving, driving while too tired, or driving with poor vision (for those who won’t wear glasses). All of those scenarios are just one more example of toxic masculinity and the harm of subscribing to it.
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