There are a lot of reasons people decide to get divorced, from cheating to financial disagreements to simply growing apart. Divorces for people over 50, termed “gray divorce”, have gotten more common as the stigma surrounding divorce has lessened and many people, especially women, have discovered increased autonomy. In 1990, 8.7% of all divorces in the US occurred among adults aged 50 and up, but by 2019, the percentage grew to 36%. Let’s get into 20 potential reasons why divorce rates increase after 50.
More People Expect Marriages to Be Equal Partnerships
There was a time when men ran the household, making the decisions and bringing home an income. As we’ve evolved, women have gained much more independence over their lives as well as the ability to make a livable salary on their own. This change over the last century has shaken up a lot of dynamics.
Empty Nest Syndrome
A lot of couples only talk about or bond over their children for so long that when the kids leave the house, they find they have nothing much else to talk about. This can lead to couples realizing they don’t have anything in common.
Shifting Priorities
As we age, we may realize there are things we want that don’t align with the aspirations of our spouse. Many people decide they no longer want to work a full-time job and want to spend time getting close with their grandchildren. Some may want to travel or pick up new hobbies. It happens sometimes that these new priorities move the marriage down the totem pole.
Second Marriages
Statistically speaking, second marriages are highly more likely than first marriages to end in divorce. So, for someone who is older and married, it’s very possible they are in their second marriage, which runs a high risk of ending.
Financial Struggles
Especially as retirement nears, many people begin to feel the strain of saving for potential decades without an income. This sort of anxiety and pressure can cause a divide.
Health Issues
Marriage begins with two people agreeing to stick with one another in sickness and in health, but that’s not always how it turns out. As sad as it may be, sometimes people don’t want to stick around through certain long-term illnesses or ailments, especially if they already had one foot out the door anyway. They don’t want to face the challenges that come with it and be a caretaker. Statistics show men are far more likely to do this than women.
Laziness
Resentment can grow like wildfire if one person feels like they are doing all the domestic, emotional, or other labor in the marriage. Sometimes, when someone is too wrapped up in their own emotions, they can let the other person carry way too much.
Too Much Togetherness
With retirement can come too much time spent focusing on each other and not enough going on outside of that. After leaving a job, someone may feel as though they’ve lost part of their identity and not know how to move forward in a healthy way. Spending too much time together when you’re used to having your own lives can lead to bad places.
Growing Apart
The only constant is change, and so the only thing you can count on in a marriage is that your spouse will evolve. Sometimes, people grow in opposite directions and no longer serve one another in the way that we need.
There’s Less Stigma About Divorce
Divorce used to be widely taboo, but now, with approximately half of all marriages ending in divorce, they’re pretty commonplace. With the exception of certain personal or family expectations, as well as many religious or community-based principles, people generally feel more “allowed” to divorce without feeling as ashamed.
Realizing There’s So Much You Haven’t Done
Whether it be exploring a part of yourself you haven’t yet or living in a part of the world you’ve always dreamed of, you may start to feel a sense of anxiety about all the things you haven’t done and a nagging feeling that time is running out. This can lead a lot of people to question if the relationship they’re in now is the one they want to die in. It’s an incredibly heavy but very real pressure.
Infidelity
Cheating and the lack of trust that follows is a surefire way to flush a marriage down the toilet. There’s a common joke about men turning their 50-year-old wife in for two 25-year-olds, and it’s common for a reason. Some men, unfortunately, are really shallow and, as they age, search for someone who is going to make them feel young again.
More Women Have Careers and Financial Autonomy
Many women struggle to leave their partners purely because they cannot afford to live or support children on their own. With an increase of women in the workforce and well-paying positions, women are now able to make decisions based on what is best for them and don’t have to feel trapped.
Intimacy Issues
As people age, their bodies and desires change. They may not feel as sexually driven as they once did, or they may feel insecure about how their bodies don’t look the same as they used to. Without a solid foundation of talking about sex within the relationship, it is extremely hard to start it decades into being with someone, and some people are too uncomfortable to do that work.
Wanting Different Things
Perhaps one person wants to keep working, and one is ready to retire and travel the world. There are a lot more changes in this era of a person’s life than we often talk about, and they can lead to a split.
Emotional Detachment
Feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner can lead to deep unhappiness and a lack of satisfaction in the marriage.
Buried Problems Coming Up
Unfortunately, a lot of people choose to shove problems and feelings down rather than finding constructive ways to deal with them. If a relationship lasts 30 years and you’ve pushed everything down without talking about it, it’s bound to eventually bubble up to the surface.
Disagreements Over Money
This can breed issues in a marriage at any point but tends to be a big one when it comes to retirement funds and figuring out where to spend those golden years.
Boredom
The truth is that decades with the same person is inevitably going to lead to some sense of stagnancy at times. That’s okay and normal, and many couples get out of it or go through phases, but if boredom’s all there is, the marriage is likely doomed to fail.
Longer Life Expectancies
With modern medicine, people are living much longer now than they were 30 years ago. They might have made certain decisions in their youth that no longer feel applicable, especially if they thought they wouldn’t make it past 50.
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