Nice is a subjective term. According to the dictionary, nice means “pleasant, satisfactory, and agreeable.” When you use it to describe a person, however, it typically means that someone does their best to be a good human. There are all sorts of reasons why people behave nicely, and not all of them are really about being nice at all. So, in an age where transparency continues to become more cloudy, how can you be sure if someone is nice?
They are Complimentary
Often, people who are quick with a compliment are considered nice. While what they say to another person might sound nice, that doesn’t necessarily mean they said it out of niceness. Sometimes, compliments are meant as nothing more than a manipulation tactic. If you hear someone overly complimentary and indiscriminate about what they compliment others on, it is probably insincere. Nice is the opposite of insincerity, so someone using compliments as a tool is a sure sign that they are probably not as nice as they make themselves out to be.
Honesty is Not a Standard
Nice people are so because you can trust that they have good intentions and that their hearts are pure. If someone isn’t honest and frequently, that is a good sign that they are probably not entirely nice. Honesty is a must; it is not that you have to be brutal, but if you can’t trust someone’s mouth, that probably indicates that they don’t value integrity. Someone without integrity is not someone for whom the term “nice” would roll off the tongue when describing.
They Hold Grudges
There is no way to make it through life unscathed. At some point or another, hurt is a natural part of living. When someone hurts your feelings, you have two choices: you can forgive them, or you can hold a grudge. Those who don’t have forgiveness in their heart carry around unnecessary baggage. You only harm yourself when you hold a grudge instead of choosing to forgive. Those who hold onto anger are probably not the nicest people in the world. By not forgiving others who ask for it, you are denying them peace and your own.
Poor Manners
Manners were created to make other people comfortable, with a standard of behaviors guided mainly by societal norms. People who refuse to use proper manners make everyone around them uncomfortable. Nice means that you are pleasing and agreeable. Nothing is pleasing or agreeable about someone who smacks their gum or eats obnoxiously when in the presence of others. Not caring about how you make others feel is the exact opposite of being nice.
Impatience
There is a verse about how love is patient and love is kind; in translation, love is nice. If someone you know is impatient and always hurrying others or agitated that something isn’t done on your timeline, that is anything but nice. Not having empathy for people who might take a little longer to get things done is a lack of niceness. Impatience usually goes hand in hand with intolerance, a not-so-nice trait.
Negativity
Nice people seek to pick those around them up with hope and positivity. Someone who does nothing but spread negative thoughts and feelings isn’t nice. Being nice is all about wanting the best for and from those around you. When someone is always seeing the fault, darkness, and general malaise of a situation, that does not make anyone feel good, and that is certainly not agreeable or pleasant. Being negative occasionally or waking up on the wrong side of the bed is forgivable. You might not be the nicest person when you make it a lifestyle choice.
Selfishness
Selfishness is not nice at all. Anyone who has ever attended preschool learned that you have to share. People who don’t share with others, hoard what they have, or are generally selfish about things, put themselves first, are not nice, and do not look out for others. Selfishness can come in many forms, including not sharing physical items or your time with someone. When you always put yourself first, that is not pleasing to others.
Ungrateful
Nice people are grateful for what they have and who they have in their lives. That's not nice when someone acts like they deserve to be treated with respect and have good things without actually doing much to get it. Being grateful means respecting others and acknowledging what others do for you instead of just taking from them. Gratefulness is one of the nicest traits anyone can have; without it, it would be hard to be nice to anyone.
Bored
Nice people are interested in those around them. If someone acts bored whenever you have something to say or share, that isn’t very nice. There will always be times when someone says something that is not that interesting, but nice people are empathetic enough to know that just because it might not be interesting to them, it is to the person talking. They give the floor and respect others enough to hear them out.
Self-Centered
Kind people think about others and are thoughtful. If someone constantly makes everything about them, then that isn’t thoughtful at all. There is always that person who monitors every conversation to find a segway that guides it back to the subject of themselves, which isn’t pleasurable to be around. In any relationship, there is a natural give and take. If all someone does is take, that isn’t giving or nice.
Braggadocios
It is okay to point out your good qualities or something you are proud of. If, however, someone can’t stop talking about how amazing they are, that isn’t fun or nice at all. Bragging usually stems from someone being insecure about who they are and constantly needing praise. Nice people typically are okay with just being themselves and having the attitude that if they are a good person, that will speak for itself. Therefore, they don’t have to engage in a self-promotional tour 24/7.
Being Erratic
Nothing is more jarring than never knowing what someone will do or say. Nice people are consistently nice, meaning they don’t veer much from the nice track. When someone is nice one day and not so much the next, it can leave you feeling nervous in their presence, waiting to see what each new day will bring. That is neither pleasing nor agreeable to others. One true sign that someone is not as nice as they want you to think is that they are only nice when they want to be.
Lack of Empathy
One of the shining traits of a good or nice person is their level of empathy. Empathy is about seeking to understand what someone is going through or feels. Without it, it is difficult to be nice at all. Someone who is truly a good person can forgive, understand, and show concern about others. If someone can’t do any of those things, it is nearly impossible to do the things that define someone as nice.
No Remorse
A nice person feels bad when someone else feels bad. They usually do whether they were the ones at fault or not. If someone refuses to apologize for making someone else feel bad, that is not nice. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter if you meant to hurt someone or didn’t. What matters is that you did, and acknowledging that you caused someone pain intentionally or otherwise is the only way to be truly good.
Disingenuous
Being disingenuous is the same as being fake. Fake people are not nice or good. When someone can act one way to one person and the complete opposite to another, then that is a true show of their character. Being fake usually involves manipulating people or a situation by doing something or being someone you are not. If someone is not sincere in their words or actions, you can safely assume they are not nice.
Beyond Forgetful
Someone who is interested in other people not only listens to what they have to say; they remember important things about them. If you have someone in your life who doesn’t remember the simplest of dates, like your birthday, then that isn’t a real friend. Everyone has their own lives to live, so remembering the small details might get lost in the chaos. However, The major ones should be committed to memory if they care.
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