There’s no doubt that you’ve spent time getting to know your partner before opting to marry them. It’s also likely that you know your partner pretty well by now. There are some questions that you might have overlooked for several reasons, but it’s always better to be safe than sorry, right? Make sure you know what you’re getting into with our list of must-ask questions.
What Are Your Career Goals?
Discussing career aspirations helps ensure you're both on the same page regarding plans and potential lifestyle changes. It’s great to have different goals, but if your partner suddenly blurts out that they want to pursue their lifelong dream of being a stage actor, it could have a huge impact on your stability and finances as a couple. It’s better to ask the question.
How Do You Handle Finances?
Money matters can be a huge source of conflict, so you don’t want any last-minute surprises. Understanding each other's spending habits, saving goals, and attitudes toward money is crucial for financial harmony. What you don’t want is to discover that there’s a whole load of undisclosed debt coming into your life.
What Are Your Family Dynamics Like?
Understanding each other's family dynamics, including relationships with parents and siblings, can tell you a lot about a person. If they don’t see any member of their family, it’s important to understand why that is. There could well be a genuine explanation, but it’s worthy of a conversation.
Do You Want Children?
Discussing whether you both want children is pivotal to a good relationship. It can be easy to overlook the question for fear of looking too eager, but if you know you want a family of your own and your partner doesn’t, it could cause major upset down the line.
What Are Your Views on Religion and Spirituality?
Understanding each other's beliefs and values regarding religion and spirituality is essential for building a strong foundation for your shared spiritual journey. You’ll likely know this from the offset, but you don’t want any sudden findings on the day of your wedding that could impact your relationship negatively.
How Do You Handle Conflict?
Actions speak louder than words in this instance, but it’s still good to know how your partner views conflict and their ways of dealing with it. Resolving disagreements in a civilized, adult manner is vital to maintaining a healthy relationship.
What Are Your Hobbies and Interests?
You’ve probably spent ample time sharing hobbies and interests, but if you haven’t, it’s good to know what your partner values in their spare time. Different interests are a good thing, but you need to be able to share a few common interests and hobbies for quality time together.
What Are Your Long-Term Goals?
Discussing your long-term goals, such as homeownership, travel plans, and retirement, ensures you're both working toward a shared vision for the future. If your partner wants to retire at fifty, you want to know what you’re up against and how to prepare. If they want to live abroad in ten years, you need to be sure that you’re open to such a big change.
What Are Your Expectations for Household Chores?
Couples that haven’t lived together can have quite a shock when they start sharing a space. Establishing expectations for household chores and responsibilities can prevent resentment and ensure a fair division of labor in your home. We’re no longer living in the sixties, where women were expected to be domestic goddesses. Make sure your partner knows that.
How Important is Independence to You?
Discussing each other's need for independence versus togetherness helps strike a balance between autonomy and partnership in your relationship. If you or your partner meet up with friends regularly, it’s good to know that you can both invest time in friendships to strike a balance.
Are You Romantic?
It isn’t for everyone, but if you’re a big softy, you might want to communicate this to your partner and see where they stand on it. Whether it's words of affirmation, acts of love, physical touch, quality time, or receiving gifts, it’s good to know what your partner's perception of romance is.
How Do You Want to Spend Holidays?
Some people like flying overseas, others are afraid of flying or simply prefer staying closer to home. Discussing holiday traditions and expectations ensures you're aligned in how you celebrate special occasions with family and friends. You don’t want to discover that your dream honeymoon to Thailand has been thwarted by a fear of flying.
What Are Your Views on Gender Roles?
In today’s society, it’s vital to understand each other's perspectives on gender roles. This might relate to future children, your friends, family members, or simply something you feel strongly about.
How Do You Prioritize Self-Care?
Discussing self-care practices and prioritizing each other's well-being ensures you're both committed to maintaining a healthy work-life balance. Make sure that your partner understands your need for self-care if it applies and gain an understanding of how they maintain their well-being. It’s vital to a harmonious relationship.
What Are Your Boundaries with Friends?
Setting boundaries with friends can help maintain trust and respect in your relationship. While it’s great to have visits from friends once in a while, you don’t want to discover that you’ve acquired a partner and a live-in best buddy who crashes on the sofa night after night.
Are You Friends with Your Ex?
There are different reasons why someone might see their ex-partner. It could be that they co-parent a child or they’ve simply remained friends. Either way, it’s important to understand that an ex-partner might feature in your relationship, so it’s best to dig out the conversation rather than face awkwardness down the line.
Are You in This for the Long Haul?
You might think it’s a futile question, but some people marry numerous people in a lifetime, which is worth considering before you agree to commitment. It isn’t to say that you won’t be the one that lasts the distance, but not everyone views marriage as devoutly as others.
What Are Your Health and Wellness Goals?
Discussing health and wellness goals, such as diet, exercise, and mental health practices, ensures you're both committed to supporting each other's well-being. You don’t want to marry your dream partner only to discover that they apply no self-care and like to laze like a sloth all weekend.
How Do You Define Marriage?
Reflecting on what marriage means to each of you, whether it's a lifelong partnership, a spiritual union, or a legal commitment, helps ensure you're both ready for this next chapter in your lives. Make sure that you share the same values on this one. You must be both in it for the same reasons.
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