Each generation looks back at previous ones and often shutters to think about what happened in the past. Dating is not easy, nor has it ever been. The hardest thing about dating is that there are so many rules. Whether written or unwritten, there was a right way about what you can, can’t, should, and shouldn’t do. If the current generation of daters think it is brutal now, they should thank their stars that the following dating rules are no longer common or acceptable.
Men Need to Make the First Move
Women were not supposed to be aggressive or ask for what they wanted in a relationship. It was not okay at all for a woman to ask a man out. They were supposed to wait, act coy, and sit by the phone, hoping a man would ask them out. Thank goodness women’s lib set in; otherwise, many women would still be waiting on the dance bench to be asked.
No Kissing on the First Date
Gender stereotypes and bias still exist, but daters are probably happy that this one has been laid to rest. It used to be completely unacceptable to kiss on the first date, and anything more was unheard of. Women, especially, were supposed to be chaste. Anything past walking side-by-side was a sign of being loose. Although science tells us that kissing is a telltale sign of compatibility, it was frowned upon.
Wear Your Sunday Best
Dating was something that people did formally. That means they didn’t head out on a date with their flip-flops and a pair of ripped jean shorts on. They also did not meet up at the sports bar to grab a drink and shoot darts. Women were supposed to be dressed in their Sunday best and always act ladylike, which equals having no fun. As if dating isn’t uncomfortable enough, you had to add in itchy nylons.
Play Hard to Get
Not only was it unacceptable to get within arm's length, but women were supposed to play hard to get. It couldn’t have been very easy on a man’s ego for a woman to act coy and as if she couldn’t even feign interest. If women acted too excited, that was a no-no and meant they were too “fast.”
If You Did Kiss
It was not okay for a couple to kiss on the first date. If they did, kissing and telling others about it was a double no-no. Society was not very open about sex and dating, and it was something that you were supposed to keep under wraps. If either of you let the cat out of the bag, you could quickly find the girl developing a “bad reputation,” although the boy escaped the scorn.
Dating is a Stepping Stone to Marriage
In previous generations, you didn’t “date around.” If you went on a date with someone, it wasn’t a “let’s try it out and see if it works;” it was a stepping stone to more dates and marriage. Due to the lack of travel, no internet, and limitations of geography, if you dated around or too many people, you would have quickly blown through the dating pool and been left a spinster. Oh, the horror!
Stay in Your Own Lane
Tradition was a huge part of dating in the past, which means that you were supposed to find someone who was exactly like you regarding opinions, race, and religion. It was very unacceptable for people to date people outside of their own demographic pool. It was even harder for them to form a lasting relationship in the community. If you were Catholic, you dated Catholics, period.
Men are Taller
Although still not the norm, women now can date shorter guys without thinking twice about it. There was a stigma about protection and dominance that created an unwritten rule that most women would only date men who were taller than them. That is not an issue today. Whether you date someone taller or shorter is all about your preference and what you want in a relationship. No one thinks twice about it.
Men are Older
The only cougars in previous generations were the kind that you found in the zoo. Although the age difference when the man was older wasn’t as highly scrutinized, the woman being older than the man was not a thing. Perhaps due to Mrs. Robinson or just societal norms about women and their value in society, cougars are not only a thing; many men prefer mature women.
Men Pay Period
There was a time when men were not only expected to pay for the first date; they were supposed to pay for all the dates going forward. The rule was basically guided by the fact that women did not have the income to support dating. Women had small “jobs” that were meant to keep them occupied, not well-paid or personally fulfilled. Nowadays, many women consider it rude not to take turns or allow them to pay.
Pick me up Promptly at 5
Throughout history, traditionally, women did not leave their parents’ home until they found a man to marry. Therefore, it was an unwritten rule that a suitor needed to come to the door and pick his date up before going out. That often meant meeting the parents right out the gate and gaining approval or no approval at all.
Meeting the Parents
If you date someone in today’s age and ask them to come by the house to meet your parents when you begin dating, they just might run for the hills. Meeting the parents is something that people now usually reserve for several dates and only if things are going to progress. In the past, it was a sign of respect; now, it is a sign that you're headed to the altar.
Waiting Period After a Date
One of the biggest rules in the past was never to show your cards. Whether that meant you played hard to get, coy, or let the phone ring and had your mom tell him you were not home, you kept your feelings inside. Whether it was to gain the advantage and dominance in the relationship or just to make sure you didn’t scare someone off, there was a three-day waiting period. You didn’t ever call someone and say, “Want to do it again Saturday,” without the proper length of time. Nowadays, many send a text on the way home saying thanks and asking for another date.
Save the Messy Stuff
The last thing that couples talked about on the first couple of dates was anything committal or controversial. The first several dating encounters were supposed to be PG-rated, non-confrontational, and basically talk about things like the weather. Women never wanted to sound assertive or opinionated. Those things would scare men away. Playing dumb was playing it safe.
Don’t Keep Them Lingering
In previous generations, not only did you go on every date with the intent to get married, but it was considered unfair to let people linger too long. There was an unwritten rule that if you didn’t ask a woman to marry you in the right amount of time, you were being cruel. Never mind that everyone needs their own amount of time, marriage was supposed to be on society’s timeline, not the individuals who are dating.
Only Men Ask for a Hand
Just like men paid the check, picked up the woman, and had to be taller, they also were the only ones who were allowed to pop the question. Women in previous generations had no say in much of the dating world or decisions. Nowadays, women are not afraid to make the first move or plan a surprise proposal. All rules about gender roles are slowly being thrown out the window.
Things change from one generation to the next, including societal norms and gender roles. When it comes to dating, the world has undoubtedly changed for the free-er. There was a time when you had a small and local dating pool, and there was a way that you were expected to act and dress. Dating might be complicated and hard now, but thank your stars that many of the things that used to be a thing are no longer. If there is one takeaway, it is that life is too short to play games. If someone is into you, you do you and go for all that you want regardless of what people think.
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