Everyone deserves a chance at love, but sometimes, it might feel like things fizzle out before they really get off the ground. It also might feel like you keep starting great relationships, but before you have a chance to realize what happened, the person changes their mind about you and leaves. If it feels like that happens to you every time, it may be good to take a look at yourself and what you may be contributing to the bad relationship cycle. Here are 20 signs that you might be tough to be with and how you can work on improving yourself for the betterment of your life.
You Struggle to Trust People
Relationships demand a certain level of trust in order to thrive. If you don’t allow yourself to trust anyone, you won’t be able to get close enough to them to have a healthy bond. This is something that can and should be worked on in therapy so that you can have those fruitful connections.
You’re Codependent
Codependency can really damage a relationship. It fosters a sense of need for the other person that makes it hard to function without them and does not allow you both to get the time and space you need to nourish other aspects of your lives. If you’re codependent, the person you’re dating might feel suffocated.
You Have Impossible Standards
Perfectionists sometimes allow their high expectations for themselves to seep into their expectations for others, which is often unfair. If you’re a perfectionist, you probably add benefits to the lives of those you’re close to by pushing them to do their best, but that can go too far. You have to give people the grace to screw up from time to time.
Your Moods Are Unpredictable
There are a ton of reasons why a person might have roller-coaster moods, from hormones to mental health issues to health concerns. If your moods are constantly unpredictable, it may be exhausting or even scary for someone to be around you all the time. Learning to manage these mood swings will benefit both you and the people you care about.
You’re Insecure
Insecurity is a hotbed for jealousy and possessive behaviors. It also leads to fishing for compliments at an obnoxious level or being too needy and not allowing your partner to have their space. Healthy relationships begin with two self-assured, confident people.
You’re Overly Negative
Because relationships, and life in general, can be full of challenges, constantly focusing on the negative aspects of those challenges can be problematic for your relationships. It’s important to stay optimistic rather than throwing in the towel every time you have a disagreement.
You Get Defensive Often
Responding defensively or aggressively to someone’s attempts to communicate is only a way to teach people that they can’t share their feelings with you without a blowup. This will likely lead to resentment because they have to sweep everything under the rug unless they want a fight.
You’re Full of Yourself
There is a thin line between confidence and arrogance. One is super attractive and compelling, and one is a major turnoff. If you’re too wrapped up in what’s going on with you to focus on the person you’re dating and value their experiences, they will absolutely get tired of it. Everyone needs a certain level of attention in a relationship, so share the love.
You’re Controlling
Controlling behavior in a relationship can look like a refusal to compromise or always demanding things be your way. If you prefer to be in charge in the kitchen but your partner wants to help, let them chop or mince. Teach them how to do the things you are better at so they can help share the responsibility and feel like equal parts of a team.
You Can’t Accept Responsibility
If you are unable to take accountability, the people you’re dating will probably harbor resentment for having to carry all of it on their own. Accepting responsibility for your wrongdoings is an integral part of personal growth.
You’re Emotionally Unavailable
Consider if you tend to keep people at arm’s length rather than allowing them to get close to you. This could be part of why you feel unlovable. You’re not at all; you just have to learn to let people love you.
You Have Unresolved Trauma
Having painful trauma in your past doesn’t make you any less worthy of love. Sometimes, it can impact you in very deep ways that you don’t even recognize and make its way into the psyche of others. Don’t let the traumatic events of your past ruin the wonderful things you have now. Seek help to process and manage that pain so it does not lead to more.
You’re Closed-Minded
Willingness to change your opinion when you are provided with new facts or insights is a sign of intelligence, and it’s also integral to healthy relationships.
You Don’t Respect Boundaries
Boundaries are in place to protect the individual’s mental space and to allow relationships to flourish. Space is actually a really good thing because it allows couples to miss each other. Respecting your partner’s boundaries could mean supporting them in their decision to go on a weekend trip with a friend without you, having private journals that you would never touch, or anything else they might need.
You Refuse to Seek Therapy
You’ve got to be willing to acknowledge the ways you are falling short in relationships, and not just romantic ones. You could be selling yourself short of happiness and peace of mind by refusing to go to a professional to get the help you need. At the end of the day, it’s about the relationship you have with yourself more than anything else.
You Can’t Communicate
Relationships require communication and openness to work, so if you struggle to communicate your feelings, the relationship will become stagnant and begin to fail. It may help to start by sharing things that don’t feel so big and work your way up from there.
You Often Avoid Intimacy
Intimacy is a meaningful part of most romantic relationships, and if you avoid it, you may be driving a wedge between you and your partner. Also, intimacy doesn’t just have to mean sex. It can also mean cuddling, holding hands, kissing, or more emotional intimacy, like talking and bonding.
You Don’t Demonstrate Empathy
Especially if your partner is very empathetic, this could be a huge deal-breaker. You may be drawn to people who have a lot of empathy if that’s a chip you’ve got missing, but those people are likely to get worn out. Empathy is a really important part of relating to and understanding the feelings of others.
You’re Manipulative
If you tend to do things like gaslight, lie, coerce, and control, you are not in a position to be in a relationship because you can seriously hurt someone and even do long-term damage to their mental health. Don’t allow your problems to become someone else’s.
You’re Scared to Be Vulnerable
If you’re terrified of getting hurt, you’re not alone. Many people are wounded from past experiences, whether it be traumatic relationships or witnessing their parents’ marriage fall apart. The possibility of pain is a price we must pay in order to feel love, so you have to allow yourself to risk being hurt in order to get that happiness we all want and need.
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