No one of us is one hundred percent secure, one hundred percent of the time, but most of us want people to think we are. Insecure people tend to behave in similar ways that really showcase that maybe the secure exterior doesn’t match what’s going on in a person’s head. Although no single behavior or response screams “I’m insecure,” there are some subtle signs that someone is insecure.
Twinning Your Partner or Bestie
Someone secure in themselves is not only okay with their individuality and standing out; they are good with being different. Those who have to hold onto another person in their life and mirror what they do, are insecure enough not to express themselves all on their own. Being insecure can make you dependent on others and cling to them as a shield.
Constantly Seeking Recognition
People who are secure with what they do and their worth don’t really care what other people think about their accomplishments. What they do, they do for a reason that is not tied to being praised by others. Those who do things and then stand back waiting for recognition, show that they aren’t confident enough to be good with what they did. Insecure people need someone to say they did a good job to feel and know it.
They Pick on Themselves
It is a great trait to be able to laugh at yourself, when someone is the butt of their own jokes every day, all the time, their self-deprecating behavior is likely an attempt for someone to stand in and say “No, you’re not.” It is almost as if they are constantly testing the waters to gauge what people think of them by throwing the worst things out there and seeing what sticks and what doesn’t.
They Can Poke Fun, but You Better Not
A sign that someone is insecure is being able to “dish” it out, but not being able to take it. Making fun of people in good humor is okay but only if you are okay with them making fun of you too. Insecure people can’t take a joke without taking it personally. Because they aren’t secure with who they are, they constantly feel like someone is picking on them.
The Know it All
Someone insecure doesn’t want anyone to know that they aren’t. They tend to exaggerate the fact that they know everything, even when they don’t. Their refusal to allow people to have a leg up on them is a symptom that they don’t want anyone to see what is going on behind the curtain. Secure people are open to finding new solutions to problems, not shutting or shouting others down with their brilliance and unwillingness to yield or give the floor.
Criticizing Other People’s Work
Someone insecure will sometimes feel as if the only way to make themselves look better is to make others look worse. Often, they not only shout other people down; they are unreasonably hard and overly critical of other people’s work and accomplishments. If they aren’t the top dog, then they try to take the threat out.
Degrading Others
Just like in work situations, in personal situations, someone who is insecure will do all that they can to belittle others who shine. The way they feel superior and secure is by pointing out the faults in others. Secure people don’t have to be the king of the hill. They are just fine standing right alongside other people and enjoy sharing the space.
Self-Promotion is Their Strong Suit
Most of us just let our actions and behaviors speak volumes. When someone is insecure, they don’t have the confidence to believe that what they do will stand on its own merit. When with them, it can start to feel as if they are on a self-promotion tour, constantly telling you how great they are, how what they did was amazing, and generally just talking incessantly about themselves.
Having to be the “Alpha Male”
The Alpha Male is not only the strongest in the group; they command respect from other people. In the animal kingdom, and somewhat in the human race, they command that respect through the use of fear and intimidation. Someone insecure threatens those around them so that no one even tries to match their wits.
They Have to Continually Define Who They Are
Someone insecure with who and what they are tends to continually define their character traits to others. Sometimes, it can almost leave you wondering whether they are trying to convince themselves they are what they are, or if they are trying to convince those around them. Regardless, it just comes across as insecure either way.
Dressed to Impress
When someone is insecure about what they are inside, will often try to mask that insecurity by creating an exterior distraction. Insecure people will often be the best dressed in the room, by design. They are usually the ones who insist on designer clothes, accessories, and cars that they can’t afford. Because they aren’t confident that you will like who they really are, they tend to use outside props to hide what’s underneath.
They tend to be Clingers
Insecure people tend to be stage four clingers. Because they have a hard time doing anything on their own, they will latch on to people around them who seem secure and confident. Being slightly similar to co-dependent people, the only difference is that insecure people are dependent on another person and the feeling is usually not mutual
Apology Central
Insecure people worry about what others think of them to the point of apologizing all the time just in case they offended someone. Being constantly worried about how people view you is exhausting. There is an energy that insecure people carry that feels as if they are always trying to make up for something they did when most likely they probably feel like they have to make up for who they are.
They Tend to Avoid
Insecure people are either trying to stand out and impress or they are trying to blend in and not be seen. When someone isn’t feeling good about themselves, it is easier for them to fly under the radar, stay home, and hide rather than to have to wear a mask to shield who they are.
Lying is Okay
When someone is insecure about who and what they are, lying is not a problem. Those lies, however, continue to feed on one another and it gets to a point where they forget what they say and then get angry when you call them out. It is extremely tiring to pretend to be something you aren’t and not just be okay with the truth and in your own skin.
Fear of Abandonment
When you are secure, you know your worth, and if you lose people, you are okay with you, and can move past it to find new people to occupy the space. Someone insecure just assumes that any lost friendship is a loss that stems from them not being good enough. That means that they tend to fear losing relationships and friendships not just because they are afraid they can’t replace them but also because they feel worse about themselves when they feel the loss.
They Tend to be Negative
Insecure people tend to see the world in a negative light. Since they believe the worst in themselves, they usually see the worst in others, as well. Sometimes we believe that if we always look for the worst, when it happens, it won’t hurt as much, but negativity can take over an insecure person’s life.
They’re Yes Women/Men
Someone insecure worries a great deal about what other people think and about being liked. What is more likable than someone who says that you are right all the time and will do anything to keep the peace? Insecure people tend to be everyone’s “yes person,” because it makes others feel good to be right all of the time.
Relationships Tend not to be Their Strong Suit
Insecure people are hard to be in a relationship with. Whether that means being their bestie or their love interest, their constant need for approval, and inability to be truthful, combined with their need to be right and praised is exhausting. Therefore, insecure people tend to have a lot of failed ties and fail to see why things fell apart, to begin with.
Everyone wants others to think that they are secure in who they are, but not all of us are. There are very few people who don’t doubt themselves occasionally, but insecure people tend to make a living out of masking up how poorly they feel about themselves inside.
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