The truth is, there is no way to be a mother in this world without encountering criticism. If we prioritize self-care, we’re being selfish towards our children, but if we put them above all these, we’re letting ourselves go. Mothers who stay home full-time don’t contribute enough, while mothers who work are abandoning their families. Feminism has swept through our nation in waves, and the acknowledgement of this impossible battle women face has increased in recognition (see America Ferrara’s speech in Barbie) but there is still so much work to be done. Here are 18 of the struggles that many millennial mothers face on a daily basis.
Work-Life Balance
With the rise (and subsequent fall) of remote work, work-life balance has shifted for many working parents. Many consider remote work to be ideal so they can spend less time commuting and more time with their families. Remote work aside, though, if a mother’s job keeps her super busy, she can’t spend as much time with her children and is dinged for that in the eyes of society.
Social Media Pressure
Mommy influencers on social media showcase themselves and their families as totally perfect most of the time. Organic homemade meals, matching designer outfits, intricate braided pigtails, trendy themed home jungle gyms… It’s impossible for anyone without unlimited money and a nanny.
Pressure to Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle
There isn’t time in the day for the basics most of the time, and there’s certainly no time for squeezing an hour workout in before getting the kids out of bed and all the chaos that ensues before even getting to the office. Sometimes we need to order Chinese takeout for dinner, and that’s okay.
Parental Leave Policies
Some companies offer mindful policies for parents of all gender identities to spend time with their newborns while still bringing in income, but some don’t. Many companies don’t offer much paternal leave, so in heterosexual relationships, the mother will be left at home to take care of the new baby alone before the family is ready.
Technology Takeover
When your kid is screaming in a restaurant because they’re tired and bored, the temptation to shove an iPad in front of their face is overwhelming. It’s up to the judgment of each parent how they want to handle technology for their children in this day and age, but there seems to be no right answer. Regardless, you’ll have judgmental eyes on you.
Lack of Affordable Childcare
Childcare is such a wild expense that most parents are wholly unprepared for. It’s why so many families find it to be more cost efficient to only have one parent working and allow the other to stay at home with the children. Universal childcare would allow so many people to be in substantially improved financial situations and allow both parents to pursue passions and careers.
Too Much Information
It seems like everyone and their neighbor has a book or podcast suggestion for moms. Everyone has different and often competing perspectives, and it can be so difficult to manage the overload of information coming your way when you’re just trying to do your best. At the end of the day, you’ve got to trust a select few people, experts, and your own intuition.
Balancing Self-Care
As a mother of young kids, it may feel like the days of mani pedis, therapy sessions, and workout classes are no more than a distant memory. Self-care comes in many forms, whether it be pampering yourself with a massage or facial, getting happy hour drinks with your girlfriends, or just reading in silence for a while. Self-care isn’t selfish, but we are wary of taking the time for it because so many people perceive it as such.
Comparing to Other Parents
It’s natural to compare yourself to others, especially in such a high-pressure situation as shaping the mind and future of a literal human. Millennial moms face this more than ever with the ever-present social media mom-fluencer in your face. It’s important to remember that everyone presents their best self online, and your journey is not comparable to one you see through a screen or in the occasional conversation.
Navigating Co-Parenting
Divorce is hard for many reasons, not the least of which are dealing with parenting your kid(s) sort of on your own and sort of with someone you just need to move on from. It can be the worst of both worlds.
Mental Health Struggles
Beyond anxiety and depression, which are relatively common for the general population, mothers who carry their children are at risk of postpartum depression. This makes mothers feel immense guilt and confusion about why they feel this way. It conflicts with everything we are told we should be feeling.
Financial Overwhelm
The last thing a stressed-out, busy mom needs is to also be worried about making enough money to afford childcare, diapers, and clothes kids constantly grow out of. Having a child is incredibly expensive on all accounts and there is no government assistance in the U.S. for parents without very specific qualifications.
Lack of Support
Feeling unsupported by family, coworkers, friends, or general society when it comes to balancing motherhood with personal goals can be incredibly isolating. There is so much we are expected to bury when it comes to being a mom, and that leads to a lack of open communication within communities. Maybe we wouldn’t all feel so alone if we just talked about it more freely.
Pressure to Breastfeed
This is another one of those impossible predicaments. Women are expected to breastfeed, despite the fact that many can’t for various reasons, and many babies are reluctant to latch. However, women are also deeply shamed for breastfeeding in public settings, often being stared at and harassed. There is truly no way to win.
Judgment from Older Generations
There can be a great deal of judgment coming from older generations of parents towards millennial moms. Facing criticism and unsolicited advice from these folks is very frustrating and can lead to self-doubt when in reality, times are different and so are individual parenting styles.
Guilt
A lot of mothers feel very guilty about not being able to spend the time they want to with their children. They also feel guilty about not having the resources to give their kids everything they need and want. It’s an unrealistic pressure that could break even the strongest of us.
Identity Crisis
Motherhood can be such an all-consuming identity that many women begin to feel they are losing their sense of self. There is no time for hobbies, personal interests and exploration in the way that there once was. It’s important to keep trying to make time for yourself, no matter how impossible it may seem. Even one fifteen-minute period to yourself matters.
Dread About the Future
To say the least, it’s tricky to navigate the uncertainties of the world in which we live. From climate change, political chaos, and economic insecurity, there is so much we don’t know and things often appear bleak. Trying to raise a child in a world you don’t feel confident about adds an extra layer of fear and anxiety to parenthood.
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