As individuals, we are all entitled to prioritize our own well-being and goals at times. Within a relationship dynamic, though, without a watchful eye, too much self-focus can start to tip over into selfishness, which ultimately harms the relationship. In this article, we have outlined 18 indicators that you are the self-centered partner in your relationship, shedding light on behaviors that might be hindering the growth of your partnership.
Prioritizing Your Own Needs
Consistently putting your own needs and goals over that of your partner is a clear sign you are the selfish one in the relationship. Being a supportive partner means bolstering your other half to help them reach their desires, just as much as they do for you. Where an imbalance occurs, and you find yourself forcing your needs to the top of the agenda, it might be time to assess the self-centered roots of your behavior.
Lack of Empathy
In a healthy relationship, it is important to make an effort to understand the feelings and perspective of your partner. If you find yourself unable or unwilling to exercise this kind of empathy, it's likely that you are purposely avoiding considering your partner's point of view. This kind of selfish behavior is toxic to healthy relationships and can cause a great deal of hurt.
Dominating Decision-Making
Do you always decide on what restaurant to go to, where to go on holiday, or what to do on the weekend? Dominating decisions that impact both halves of a relationship signals a self-centeredness that doesn't account for the opinions or agency of your partner. In an equal partnership, decisions ought to be equally made and discussed before committing to one way over another.
Dominating Topics of Conversation
It is also possible, and common amongst selfish partners, to attempt to dominate the topic of conversation. Whether amongst the two of you or in a social group, habitually directing the conversation to your interests or to talk about yourself comes across as self-interested and anti-social. There is a skill to conversation that requires giving and taking information, asking questions, and actively listening to your partner rather than attempting to steamroll their time to talk.
Hesitance to Compromise
Long-term relationships require a lot of compromises to stand the test of time. Signs of selfishness include an unwillingness to meet in the middle on decisions, coming to conclusions before hearing your partner's side, and bullishly reaching endpoints that benefit you ahead of your partner. Finding a middle ground can be challenging but is integral to a relationship built on selfless foundations.
Disrespecting Boundaries
If your partner has set clear boundaries, whether in terms of intimacy, engaging with others, or how you spend your time, it is important to respect them even if you don't agree or they don't suit your desires at any given point. Fostering mutual understanding on this basis creates a stronger bond, whereas the alternative allows selfishness to grow and ultimately breeds harmful consequences.
Inability to Take Responsibility
No one is perfect, and within relationships, mistakes and transgressions are common to everyone. A key facet of selflessness, though, is to face your errors, take responsibility, and apologize to your partner when necessary. By refusing to take accountability, your selfishness threatens to degrade the respect and trust in your relationship, leaving your partner feeling very frustrated.
Dismissing Concerns
Healthy communication in relationships requires the cultivation of an atmosphere that encourages the expression of concerns without fear of retribution. If you routinely dismiss your partner's concerns, perhaps because they implicate wrongdoing on your part or it's simply easier not to confront them, it's likely you are the self-centered one in your partnership. Difficult, open conversations are necessary for a flourishing relationship.
Responding Defensively
Equally, when faced with a partner expressing concerns, it is common for the more selfish partner to respond defensively rather than taking the time to reflect on their own behavior and acknowledge their responsibility. Automatically snapping back on the defense helps no one but yourself and ultimately leaves no room for the relationship to grow in strength.
Habitually Breaking Commitments
Making commitments and promises is a vulnerable yet crucial part of life in a relationship. If you are the partner that regularly rescinds on these commitments or breaks promises, you are exhibiting very selfish behavior. Whether by lying, infidelity, or regularly flaking on plans, not respecting a commitment made to your partner highlights your tendency to prioritize your own wishes at the expense of theirs.
Imbalance in Support
For a relationship to thrive, each partner must feel supported by the other. Individually, times of particular need crop up at different times, and partners want to feel that when they need it, their other half will be there to support them. If your partner has consistently been there for you, and you cannot say the same for them, it could be that you expect more from your partner than you are willing to give yourself, a sure sign of relationship selfishness.
Manipulating for Personal Benefit
Using manipulation to prioritize yourself is selfish behavior, as it champions your own needs at the expense of your partner's well-being, as well as the health of the relationship more generally. It exemplifies an imbalance of power that leads to harmful consequences, only for your own benefit, and undermines your partner's own right to agency and decision-making.
Interrupting Your Partner
If you constantly talk over your partner, it is likely you're the self-centered one in the relationship. Not giving your other half space to express themselves, dismissing their point of view in favor of your own, displays your preference for the sound of your own voice. Let your partner speak and make a concerted effort to hear and listen to their important point of view.
Diminishing Accomplishments
Diminishing your partner's accomplishments is selfish because it devalues and dismisses their hard work and achievements, undermining their self-esteem while simultaneously exposing your own insecurity. Celebrating your partner's successes is integral to a healthy and supportive relationship, with the alternative breeding resentment and toxic behaviors.
Inflexibility
Long-term partnerships require a certain amount of flexibility to allow for individual movement in each partner's life. An element of give and take, where in one instance your partner flexes for you and in another you flex for them, ensures balance. If you refuse to bend where your partner is more willing to, you are showing sure signs of self-centeredness in your relationship.
Expecting Sacrifice Without Reciprocating
If your partner is constantly sacrificing their goals, needs, and desires to accommodate yours, your selfish behavior is likely eroding the trust in your relationship. Unless you are able to make compromises and occasionally make similar sacrifices for the sake of the relationship, then the balance required disintegrates.
Prioritizing Other Relationships
If you consistently and unreasonably prioritize the relationships with others in your life over your partner, your behavior is hurtful and can create feelings of insecurity, neglect, and a sense of inadequacy in your other half. Knowingly creating these negative consequences is self-centered and diminishes the commitment that is required to nurture a strong partnership.
Lack of Transparency
Opaque and unclear communication, fostering a lack of transparency, is indicative of selfishness as it takes away the opportunity for your partner to truly understand you and make informed decisions on that basis. Openness strengthens the relationship bond, but it must go both ways to have the desired effect. Honesty from both partners is crucial to a lasting and true connection.
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