Narcissist is one of those terms that gets thrown around lightly in modern dialect, used for anyone who seems full of themselves. What many people don’t realize is that narcissism is actually a personality disorder within personality disorder cluster B, categorized by disorders with volatile emotional states and unpredictable behavior. Narcissistic personality disorder generally involves a remarkably powerful need for adoration, lack of empathy, and an exaggerated ego. Personality disorders like this one are caused by a variety of factors, from genes to external influences during childhood. Only around 1% of the population are actually diagnosed narcissists. Here are 18 things you should know about true pathological narcissism.
It's More than Just Vanity
As we now know, narcissism is much more than just being vain or self-centered. It’s categorized by a lack of ability to feel empathy and a grandiose sense of self. Just because someone can be a little self-involved or conceited about their appearance in no way makes them an actual narcissist.
Many Struggle with Fragile Self Esteem
Despite how it may seem, narcissists often deal with insecurity and self-esteem issues that are masked by their external facing presence. A narcissist will seek out validation from others to make up for the ways they feel on the inside. It’s often simply an overcorrection or a way to hide.
It is Very Hard on Relationships
Narcissists tend to struggle with maintaining healthy relationships due to their lack of empathy for others. Being in a relationship with a narcissist may include excessive criticism, cheating, disregard for your emotions, or even abuse. This is not to say no narcissist can ever be in a healthy relationship, but there are greater risks.
Some Narcissists Are Introverts
Just like everyone else, some narcissists are introverts. They tend to be withdrawn and only speak up when expressing pettiness or negativity in some way. Even beyond that, a narcissist might appear to be extroverted, but that only serves as a way to boost their ego and social status, and they would actually rather be alone.
Many People Know They Are Narcissists
While it may seem like it would challenge a person’s self-view to confront that they have a personality disorder, studies show that people are actually quite likely to openly admit and acknowledge it. Some narcissists enjoy factors of the disorder and even strive to be more narcissistic. However, many do not want to admit that anything could be “wrong” with them.
Narcissists Can Feel Empathy
Contrary to popular belief, narcissists can feel and demonstrate empathy, but there is an asterisk here. As adults, we have all been socialized to portray empathy, and we all pretty much know we are supposed to have it. So for narcissists, they may appear empathetic at times, but it tends to be surface-level at best.
Not All Narcissists Are Male
Although more men are narcissistic, there are still women who experience it as well. Traits show up differently in men and women, too, so some qualities of a narcissistic man, like aggression, are less common in women. On the flip side, narcissistic women may be more difficult to detect than men.
They Tend to Take Advantage
Narcissists are prone to taking advantage of others and using them for their own personal gain. To them, the world genuinely does revolve around them, and other people serve no use but to benefit them in some way.
It Can Be Tough to Spot
It’s very possible that the most obnoxiously self-centered person you’ve met is not a narcissist, and someone you know casually who seems totally nice actually is one. Many are hard to spot and subtle in their narcissism rather than making constant proclamations of self-grandeur.
It’s Not a Phase
Teenagers, for example, often go through phases where they are hormone-crazy and wrapped up in their own heads and social lives, but this generally passes after a few years. Narcissism does not go away on its own, or maybe ever, and requires proper diagnosis and treatment.
Certain Patterns Can Change
There is no cure for narcissism. However, talk therapy and maybe even medication can help to treat and manage certain symptoms. Therapists can help narcissists learn to better connect with others and improve their relationships. They can also help narcissists understand where certain feelings come from and how to deal with them.
Not All Narcissists Are Abusive, But Some Are
People with narcissistic personality disorder believe others are below them, which can lead to toxic behaviors like abuse and manipulation. A lack of empathy is inherently a very hard thing for people around them to manage. However, by no means do all narcissists engage in abusive behavior despite struggling to empathize with others.
Some Lack Insight into How They Affect Others
Some narcissists might not even know how they are hurting the people around them. That’s why awareness of the disorder, primarily for those who have it, is so important so that people can understand what makes them different and ideally attend therapy and learn to care for others better.
Career Success is Hit or Miss
There are stereotypes that narcissists are very successful because of the confidence, assertiveness, and leadership skills they may possess, but the truth is that those skills can only take a person so far. Empathy and the ability to connect and bond with other people are essential for growing in many career paths, and struggling to keep relationships with colleagues or to control one’s temper can absolutely hinder a professional journey.
They Have Little Patience
Many narcissists struggle with parenting for multiple reasons, one being a low threshold for bad behavior such as tantrums. While frustrating for anyone, this makes the narcissistic parent self-conscious about what others will think of their child and parenting skills and impacts their grandiose self-view.
Surface Level Relationships Come Easier Than Deep Ones
At first glance, a narcissist might come across as charming and confident, qualities which we tend to flock towards or be compelled by. They can capture a room with their charisma, but behind closed doors, turn into a completely different person. This makes it very hard for people to be in friendships or relationships with them.
They Can Be Controlling
Whether it be towards their romantic partner, children, friends, or coworkers, narcissists believe they are superior to those around them and often feel the need to try and control what other people do.
They Struggle to Take Criticism
Narcissists believe they are deserving of special treatment and privileges, of higher importance than others, and can be very critical. They do not respect the opinions of others unless they deem them to be equally worthy, which is, at times, an impossibly high bar. Therefore, criticism is not welcomed because anything that threatens to shatter a narcissist’s perception of themselves is not usually taken well.
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