When you commit to a relationship for life, there are expectations that the majority of couples are meant to follow. Every relationship is unique in its own right, so it’s important to do what is best for you and your marriage, but in general, it’s essential to treat your partner with the utmost level of respect, compassion, and empathy. Not everyone subscribes to these unspoken rules, but those who do tend to take them very seriously. Here are 18 unofficial rules that married people are supposed to follow.
Don’t Cheat
Cheating is sure to destroy trust and respect in a marriage. If you don’t want to be with just one person, don’t be in a monogamous relationship. It’s that simple. Cheating on your spouse will show them that you don’t value them enough to treat them with empathy and will wreck their trust in you.
Communicate Your Feelings
Long-term, committed relationships like marriage can be really hard because you are tying yourself emotionally and legally to the other person, so it’s important to keep open lines of communication at all times.
Don’t Sweep Problems Under the Rug
The metaphor of sweeping things under the rug is so effective because it’s true in both contexts. If you sweep a bunch of dirt and dust under the rug, you’ll eventually feel the lumps beneath it and have to deal with them. Problems in a marriage don’t go away, but they can be hidden. They will always come back up, however.
Make Each Other Feel Appreciated
Failing to show your spouse love, affection, and gratitude is likely to build resentment between you. It can go such a long way to say thank you for a dinner made, a lawn mowed, groceries purchased. Try to get in the habit of telling your partner how much you appreciate their presence in your life.
Don’t Withhold Affection
Withholding affection, whether it be through physical touch or kind words, as a form of punishment is extremely harmful to the relationship. It is like training your partner to behave a certain way in order to receive love for you. If you feel yourself wanting to withhold affection, that likely means there is something you need to talk about.
Be Respectful
Respect is the cornerstone of all relationships, whether they be familial, friendly, romantic, or professional. Being dismissive or disrespectful of your spouse and their feelings can lead to build-up hurt over time and even them not wanting to talk to you.
Don’t Be Overly Critical
It’s easy to verge into the critical when you spend so much time with someone. They will probably start to annoy you, and that’s normal, but when that happens, you should step away from the situation, take some space to yourself, and come back when you feel less irritated. Often, too much togetherness is the sole cause of irritation and, therefore, criticism.
Don’t Take Intimacy for Granted
Intimacy is essential to romantic partnerships. This can range from emotional intimacy, like deep conversations, to physical intimacy, like cuddling, handholding, or sex. Some couples tend to feel that the intimacy grows stagnant over time, and in this case, it’s important to do that extra work to keep things alive.
Compromise
If you don’t want to compromise, you’re going to need to stay single. That’s just it. Because if one person refuses to make sacrifices, it often happens that the other will give up everything to keep conflict from occurring. Inequality in relationships can lead to feelings of powerlessness and resentment. Marriage is all about meeting each other somewhere in the middle.
Don’t Let Your Ego Be in Charge
Our egos can be so powerful, but your pride is not as important as your relationship. Putting your pride aside in arguments is the only way to get through them effectively. You sometimes have to take a step back and consider what really matters here. My ego or my marriage?
Don’t Withhold Financial Information
Keeping big financial issues like debt from your partner is inevitably going to damage trust and make the financial problems worse. It’s also extremely important not to make major financial decisions without your partner, regardless of who makes more money.
Don’t Let Kids Take All the Romance Away
For those with kids, you know how hard it can be to keep romance alive when children are young and overwhelming. There is so much to do that it seems like you can’t afford to even think about going on a date or even having sex. In times like this, find little moments to sneak away together, even if it’s five seconds in the hallway sharing a kiss or a quickie before the kids get up for school. Hire that babysitter, go on that date. It will be worth it.
Never Compare Your Spouse to Others
Comparing your spouse to someone you find more attractive, an ex, or something of the like, will damage their self-esteem and cause emotional distance and distrust in the marriage.
Respect Boundaries
Even in a partnership as intimate as marriage, boundaries are still important. In fact, they might be more important than ever. Such closeness is a wonderful thing as long as it’s paired with the communication skills to let each other know what you need and the respect to give it.
Don’t Neglect Date Nights
People always say the key to a strong marriage is to never stop dating. Whether kids or work or the mundanity of daily life is getting in the way, neglecting the romance in your relationship is never a good option. You might have to schedule dates more in advance, but it’ll be worth it. Failing to do this can lead to boredom due to a lack of romance.
Be Supportive
Support is integral to a marriage. You sign up to be there for each other when things get hard, and if you can’t be a shoulder to cry on or supportive in whatever other way your partner needs, they will feel alone even when you’re in the room with them.
Don’t Be Selfish
Marriage can be a tricky balancing act of trying to do what is good for you and what makes you happy while also putting your partner and their livelihood in priority. Ultimately, there will be sacrifices made on either side, but as long as you focus on the marriage and keep communication lines open, you should be okay.
Apologize
Saying you’re sorry goes such a long way. There will be times when you don’t understand why your partner is upset, no matter how hard you try. You may think you don’t need to apologize because you can’t see what you did wrong, or you know you never meant to be hurtful, or you wouldn’t be upset if they did the same thing to you. It does not matter. If they are hurt, that has to be validated. Of course, you still want to be aware of if this is a pattern that begins to feel manipulative or unfair towards you.
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