Friendships are a lot more like romantic relationships than we tend to give them credit for. While there are, of course, key differences such as level of commitment, sexual attraction, and more, maintaining long-term friendships is a certain amount of work. Sometimes, friendships need to be cut loose, despite how long you’ve been in each other’s lives. Here are 18 indicators that someone is just bad at being a friend and how you can handle it.
They’re Not Reliable
One of the most important qualities in a friend is reliability. You need to be able to trust that they will show up for you because if you can’t, what is the point of even being friends at all? Friends who are constantly flaking out on plans are showing blatant disrespect for you and your time.
Conversations are One-Sided
Have you ever had a conversation with someone who could only seem to talk about themselves? It’s frustrating and annoying when this happens with strangers, but if you look closely, you may notice that you’ve grown immune to it when it comes to your close relationships. This also includes people cutting you off frequently. Consider if your friends actually seem to value what you’ve got going on.
They Take Jokes too Far
Everyone has a different level of what they feel is appropriate for jokey banter, and some people are just incompatible in this way. If you feel like your friend takes things too far, speak to them about it. Their response will tell you everything you need to know.
They Expect You to Be On Call
Friends need to respect each other’s time and space and realize that their friend does not serve to revolve their life around the other person. If a friend texts you venting about work but you’re having a really hard day yourself, you should be allowed to tell them that you want to be there for them, but you don’t have the emotional capacity at the moment. A bad reaction to this kind of boundary-setting is indicative of a lack of consideration.
They’re Never There for You
With the above being said, friends should try to be there for one another as best they can. If you feel like your friend always has more important things to do than support you, whether it means showing up to a play you’re in or being a shoulder to cry on, you should seriously consider if the friendship is balanced.
They Can’t Respect Boundaries
Boundaries can show up in many different ways. Your friend should not get romantically involved with someone you are close to without your explicit permission. They should respect your relationships with other people in your life. Friends should also never infringe on their friend’s space in ways that make the person uncomfortable. These are just a few examples, so consider what your boundaries are and communicate openly with your friends about what you need.
They’re Hyper Critical
Friends can and often should call one another out when they are in the wrong. That is normal and even needed. However, it should be done thoughtfully and semi-sparingly. If a friend is constantly commenting on your appearance, hobbies and taste, relationship, or aspects of your personality, they are only going to tear you down.
Jealousy is Prevalent
If someone is being ultra-critical of you, they are likely jealous in some way. Friends should lift one another up and be happy for the other person’s wins in life. Jealousy is natural, but it really is about the jealous person learning to manage those feelings (unless you are excessively braggy, in which case it may be partially on you).
They Use You
Sometimes, you might notice a friend only reaches out when there is something they want from you, in which case that is not a friendship. If you have connections or possessions that other people are often envious of, you might be vulnerable to people trying to get close just so they can use you. Be extra wary of this if you own a boat.
They Tend to Be Manipulative
Manipulative behavior in friendships can manifest as guilt-tripping, isolation tactics, playing the victim, excessive flattery, gaslighting, and more. It’s important to address these behaviors with your friend and be ready to abandon ship if they don’t start to change.
There’s a Lack of Support
If you feel like your friend is not being supportive of you, it may be useful to talk about why. They may not feel equipped to handle whatever you’re going through, and you might need to seek that support out elsewhere. Or, they might just be a bad friend and not care enough to be there for you, in which case you’ve got to kick them to the curb.
They Gossip About You
Finding out your friend has been talking about you behind your back is the ultimate betrayal. It may be worth talking it through with your friend, depending on what they said or shared with others and if you can determine a motive behind it. However, moving past a breach of trust like this is very hard because you may not know if you can open up to them again.
They’re Overly Competitive
There’s nothing wrong with a little healthy competition, and many friendships are built off shared interests that sometimes involve one person winning over the other. It becomes a problem when the competition begins to override everything else, and they seem more concerned with winning than they do your feelings.
They’re a Bad Influence
If you tell your friend that you’re trying to drink less alcohol and they push you to drink with them, they do not respect your boundaries. If they encourage you to cheat on your partner, this is also a major red flag. True friends value your wellbeing and will try and help you to be a better person, not a worse one.
There is No Accountability
In any relationship, friend, family, or romantic, it is essential that people take responsibility when they have done something wrong. Refusal to take accountability can be very manipulative because the other person will often end up being convinced that something is their fault when it is not.
They Don’t Treat You with Respect
Respect is shown in many different ways, from active listening to respecting boundaries to showing up when you say you will. If your friend doesn’t do these things, try to talk to them about it, but be aware that they may just not be a respectful person and you can’t really do anything about that but let them go.
They Only Reach Out When It’s Convenient for Them
Say you went through a bad breakup six months ago, and you didn’t hear a word from your friend, but now suddenly, while they’re going through a breakup, they text you to vent about it. This is a sign that your friend doesn’t care enough about the relationship to show you attention and care, and it is only used to fuel their ego and other needs.
They’re Insensitive
It’s very important to have your feelings validated in close relationships such as friendships, and if you feel like your friend is either making jokes at your expense or brushing you off as being overdramatic about something, that can reveal real insensitivity. This often indicates a lack of empathy as well, which is a key ingredient in friendships.
30 Traditional Sayings That Are Now Considered Offensive by Woke Culture
30 Traditional Sayings That Are Now Considered Offensive by Woke Culture
21 Habits Often Associated With Having a Lower Social Status
21 Habits Often Associated With Having a Lower Social Status
25 Social Issues Gen Z are Determined to Cancel
