Modern marriages are failing at alarming rates, with more relationships ending in divorce than ever. With challenges such as debt and mental health issues becoming more and more prevalent, alongside circumstances in relationships that can erode trust and enjoyment, it is arguably harder than ever to maintain a lasting marriage. This article outlines 18 of the most common reasons that lead to divorce, from individual issues to joint challenges.
Erosion in Trust
Trust is the fundamental bedrock of any successful marriage. There can be any number of reasons for the disintegration of trust, whether it's boundaries crossed or infidelity. These things can be hard to recover from, with resentment building on both sides.
Lack of Compromise
Spending a lifetime with one person certainly requires a lot of meeting in the middle. When one or both partners refuse to budge on their ideas, plans, or goals for the future in order to better accommodate their spouse, frustrations can build until the marriage collapses.
Dwindling of Passion
Often referred to as the honeymoon period or that elusive spark, the first months or even years of a relationship can be charged with exciting passion. As time passes, though, and the drudgery of day-to-day life starts to take its toll, the passion can start to suffer and lead one or both partners to question their marriage.
Drudgery of Domesticity
Indeed, sharing a household can greatly heighten the stress of a relationship. Housework, bills, life admin, and logistics can prove too great a challenge for couples who descend into arguments or cast blame.
Lack of Effort
For a marriage to last, a certain amount of effort must be applied on both sides to maintain happiness. Organizing a date night, a thoughtful surprise, or simply taking the time to prioritize your spouse is key to fostering a sense of mutual value and respect. When one or both partners stop putting in this effort, marriage becomes much more difficult to sustain.
Constant Bickering
It isn't always earth-shattering arguments that lead to the breakdown of marriage. In fact, often, a culmination of multiple smaller arguments over small things proves to be the final straw. Constantly snapping at one another develops a toxic culture of unhappiness that isn't conducive to a thriving marriage.
Sacrificing Individual Goals
Despite agreeing to share your lives as a partnership on your wedding day, for many couples, maintaining their goals and agency as individuals is crucial to their happiness. For some, over the period of their marriage they may start to feel resentful that their own happiness has suffered for the good of their partner or the relationship, and that parting ways is the only way to retrieve the independence they seek.
Impact of External Stress
Even in the strongest relationships, external stressors can put pressure on a marriage. Whether it's a high-powered job with lots of responsibility or caring for ailing family members, the exhaustion caused by circumstances outside the marriage can directly impact on its success.
Individual Changes Over Time
The person you married as a young adult may have gone through many internal revolutions in the following years. As individuals change, some marriages simply become less compatible, the paths of their lives taking them in different directions in order to follow their own desires authentically.
Building of Resentment
Any number of circumstances can cause resentment to fester within a marriage. A lack of quality time together or a sense of inequality in the partnership, for example, can create tension that, without proper communication, comes to a breaking point.
Financial Stress
Many of us know the stress that financial burdens can put on us. In many marriages, financial strains become wrapped up in the relationship, having bought property together or invested money in something jointly. Where these investments aren't successful, or there are disagreements in decision-making, frustration can boil over and result in divorce when left unchecked.
Reduction in Intimacy
Whether it's by physical or emotional intimacy, many married people complain of a slowing down of their intimate connection as their marriage ages. Often, intimacy ebbs and flows, but for those for whom intimacy is crucial to their happiness, too long feeling disconnected from their partner may be what drives their decision to separate.
Poor Communication
When communication begins to break down, it is likely that the breakdown of the marriage is soon to follow. After all, open communication is fundamental to lasting relationships, allowing partners to navigate through many of the inevitable ups and downs with empathy and mutual understanding.
Emotional Unavailability
Feeling your partner start to close off to you can be incredibly hurtful, especially if you are still trying to be emotionally available to them despite their coldness. Marriages ought to be a framework of support, a give and take, so when one person starts to become emotionally unavailable, it becomes very challenging to continue strengthening the partnership.
Toxic Behavior
Gaslighting, manipulation, and controlling behaviors are just a few examples of toxic behavior that can cause a marriage to fail. Even if the beginning of a relationship is healthy and open, it's not unlikely that one or both partners can descend into more toxic actions that hinder relationships.
Excessively High Standards
Holding your spouse accountable is healthy and is to be expected within a marriage. Nonetheless, when this tips into over-criticism, or holding them to standards impossible to attain, frustration and resentment can start to fester. Enforcing excessively high expectations can lead to a dwindling of self-esteem that ultimately breaks down the marriage.
Eroding Health
With age comes health complications. Many spouses are able to support one another and overcome the challenges associated with illness and injury, but for some, it proves too great a burden to bear. There are also circumstances where one spouse doesn't wish for the other to have to suffer with them and ends the marriage out of compassion for the other half.
Boredom
Sometimes, the most simple things can cause marriages to fail. After all, the rest of your life is a long time to spend with any one person, in sickness and in health. When the spark starts to fade, and the novelty dies down, what's left behind is not always enough for a happy, sustainable partnership.
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