When we first meet someone who is a potential romantic match, we start to analyze our feelings to get a sense of how far it might go. The difficulty is knowing exactly how we feel and if the way we feel about someone is just a fleeting infatuation or if it is the real thing. Here are 18 differences which will help you understand being in love and true love.
Being in Love vs True Love
Love is a much-used word, and its meaning has become distorted over time. When we use the word “love”, we don’t always know ourselves what we actually mean and how it relates to our actual feelings. Being able to distinguish between being in love and having true love for another person helps to build healthier, longer-lasting relationships.
Loving Someone Means You Accept Their Flaws
There is no perfect person, so if you’re searching for perfection, you are setting yourself up to fail. The foundation of a healthy relationship is understanding that your partner does have flaws and you can’t change that. Communication helps to express which behaviors both of you find problematic and how they can be worked on, but don’t be under the illusion you can sculpt them into the perfect partner. Accepting their flaws gives love space to flourish unconditionally and in a healthy way.
Being in Love is Emotionally Unhealthy
When you become infatuated with someone, you are often exposing your own attachment issues. Love is powerful and can mask feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. In the initial stages of a relationship, this may work, but when the inevitable bumps on the road appear, all of those inadequacies will rear their head and be more intense. There is no avoiding infatuation at the beginning of a relationship, but recognize it and don’t use it to mask or hinder your emotional development.
Truly Loving Another Person Creates Stability
A long-lasting relationship is built on stability. Being in love is exciting, and you will have highs that are not easily replicated. Having these feelings is perfectly natural, but you also need to recognize that you can’t keep chasing those highs. There will be periods where it all seems a bit boring; this is when you will be able to acknowledge true love. If it’s merely an infatuation, your tolerance for the banalities of a relationship will wane.
Being in Love is Obsessive
The intense feelings of being in love can easily lead to obsessive and controlling behavior. This is never healthy. If you feel the need to always know what your partner is doing and you struggle when they are not around, there are alarm bells ringing. They are individuals who need their own space, and recognizing this is a sign of care and love. Infatuation and irrational thoughts go hand in hand, so take a step back and consider how you might be affecting your significant other and what it means for you.
True Love is Mutual
It may be stating the obvious, but relationships are about two people. In an individualistic world, it is easy to become self-absorbed and consider your own needs above all else. To an extent, this is unavoidable, but in a loving relationship, it has to be understood that it is two people working together towards mutual goals. Occasionally, your goals and ideals are going to clash, so compromise is required. If you truly love your partner, you will be willing to sacrifice some of your own wants and needs when it leads to the benefit of you both.
Being In Love Leads to Codependency
When you are in love, you are defining your whole existence through your partner. Communication is great for relationships and a sure sign of a healthy one, but you cannot be solely dependent on your partner for your emotional needs. It is an unrealistic expectation for both of you, and it will create resentment if one or the other is unable to fulfill those expectations. You and your partner are no doubt strong people, but neither of you will be able to withstand the weight of codependency.
True Love Only Comes When You Love Yourself
If you are unable to show yourself love and care, you will find it impossible to do it for someone else. A healthy relationship involves doing the things that you love and not completely sacrificing everything for someone else. There is give and take but never to the detriment of your own emotional well-being. If you are looking after yourself, you are also looking after your partner and are better placed to be there for them when they need you for support.
Being In Love is Seeking Validation
A certain sign that you are in love with someone rather than truly loving them is you seek validation through your relationship. Care for yourself needs to come from you, not from your partner. Infatuation is based on your own desire to believe that someone else wants you; constantly looking for this will emotionally drain them and potentially lead to a breakup. Learn to appreciate yourself without needing affirmation from others.
True Love Will Withstand Difficulties
Every relationship will go through difficult periods. This does not mean that you no longer love each other; it’s simply how relationships evolve and get stronger. Two people living in close proximity are going to find niggly little things that annoy each other. There will also be things you disagree on. What is important is that you recognize that your love transcends these conflicts and will hold you together while they are resolved.
Being In Love is Extravagant
Unhealthy representations of love in the media and idealized romantic gestures in films have helped to blur the lines between loving someone and infatuation. There’s nothing wrong with gifts and the occasional surprise, but if it becomes an expectation, it is no longer healthy. For the person making these gestures, it represents an inability to communicate and show emotion in a healthy way.
True Love is Recognizing the Needs of Your Partner
Your partner has wants and needs, and it is essential to realize this. There will be times when you might not feel up to spending time with them after a long day at work, but loving them is still giving them time and attention. If you live entirely in a bubble of your own selfish needs, you are not really in a relationship; it’s a situation which benefits you until you have to make some sacrifice. Take the time to find out what they require from a relationship, and it will become a much happier one.
Being In Love is Idealization
If you think your partner is perfect, then you are guilty of idealization. There is no perfect partner, and to believe otherwise is to delude yourself. When you are in love, you have a tendency to project your idea of the perfect individual onto your partner. This means that you do not love them, rather you are in love with what you want them to be. Eventually, this facade will fade, and you will be disappointed that your expectations have been shattered.
Love is Knowing It’s Not Working
It’s the hardest part of loving someone, but there are times when you have to let go. It does not mean that there was never any love, and there might still be love; it could just be the best thing for both of you. If you truly love someone, you will want to see them happy, and they will feel the same.
Being In Love Creates Conflict
You will have arguments even when you truly love someone, but if those arguments are part of a roller-coaster journey of highs and lows, then it is time to reassess your relationship. When you are in love with someone, it is a constant search for highs, validation, and realizing unrealistic expectations. These won’t be found, and the disappointment will lead to conflict.
Love is a Peaceful Mind
Loving someone and accepting everything that comes with them will give you a peaceful state of mind. You won’t be anticipating the next argument, nor will you be trying to mold your partner to fit your expectations. The relationship between you and your partner is appreciated for what it has and not what it is lacking. When both are able to feel comfortable in themselves and their relationship, peace and stability will follow.
Being in Love Can be Fleeting
Intense feelings can often fade as fast as they appeared, and it is no different when it comes to being in love. Once those feelings have gone, it is unlikely they will ever come back, as they were not based on any solid foundations. The fleeting nature of such relationships can be harmful in the long term as you can become dependent on the quick highs they produce, constantly looking for another person to recreate those feelings with.
True Love is For the Long Term
True love is the only way to build towards the future of a relationship. Recognizing that there will be difficulties but knowing that you will be able to love them through all the hard times sets a foundation that will be difficult to break. If both partners are able to work together without completely sacrificing themselves while still understanding each other’s needs, a happy and fulfilling relationship will be achieved.
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