Some people are too good for humanity, while others appear too good. How can you tell whether someone’s kindness and generosity are real or if they are really just a tactic to manipulate? If a nagging feeling tells you that someone in your life’s nice might not be so nice, it is an excellent idea to listen to your gut and proceed with caution. People who fake their kindness tend to be the ugliest and most dangerous ones to put your trust in. How can you tell the difference though?
They Seem to Care Way too Much
Humans are wired socially to care and be concerned for one another to varying degrees. It is built into the survival of the species. If the human race was purely selfish and uncaring for one another, it would never have survived. If someone seems to care way too much about you and your situation without really knowing you, that might be a sign that it isn’t as genuine as it should be.
They Treat Service People Horribly
Someone who is truly nice is nice to everyone indiscriminately. One of the hardest jobs to have is waiting on someone else or serving them in some way. Watching someone who is supposedly nice treat waiters, cashiers, or anyone with disrespect is one of the biggest signals that they are not genuine in their claim to be kind. It might be someone’s job to bring you food or to clean up your mess, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to treat them without decency.
It’s All About Them
Everyone knows that person who is constantly “back to me…” in a conversation. When someone will only give you the floor long enough to guide the dialogue back to the subject of themselves, it is selfish. A truly nice individual isn’t in the relationship as a one-man band. Some people talk about themselves more than others, but if you find that all they do is wait for their turn to jump back into their favorite subject, then that is the opposite of nice.
Negative Nellies
Being a good person is about wanting the best for and bringing out the best in those around them. It isn't very nice if someone is always quick to point out a person’s failings or what they can’t or didn’t do right. Being a good human is about fostering goodwill and helping people to be self-confident and feel good about themselves. If you asked their honest opinion and they gave it, that is one thing. However, they aren't doing the nice thing if you don’t really want to know your issues, and they can’t find it to let you off the hook. That signals that they probably aren’t very nice underneath.
Misery Suckers
When tragedy happens, it is amazing how people come out of the woodwork to support and help. There is a difference in why people step up and provide aid. Sometimes, it is because they are truly good and empathetic, and other times, it is because being the one to step in provides the notoriety of being the helper. If someone is here today, gone tomorrow, specifically when the spotlight is gone, and no one is watching anymore, they didn’t help out of the goodness of their own heart. They helped for the goodness that it brought their way.
Backhanded Compliments
Phrases like “don’t take offense” or “I’m just telling you” are all covert ways of whispering doubt into a conversation without being outwardly aggressive. Anything that starts preemptively by acknowledging that you are going to hurt someone’s feelings or say something offensive isn’t following the thumper’s rule of “If you can’t stay anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.” That, in translation, means that they aren’t saying something nice and okay with saying it anyway.
Someone Who Doesn’t Show Kindness to Animals
Anyone who isn’t kind to animals isn’t kind. Animals do nothing to hurt humans; even when they react aggressively, it is almost always in defense of fear of what a person has done or an action that threatens their safety. In general, someone who is outwardly aggressive or harmful toward the animal kingdom is one of the most heartless humans possible.
Doom Lovers
There is a reason that gapper's delays occur. Humans are somewhat terrified, while also excited, by catastrophe. Although most people will slow down and see the carnage, others will pull over and relish it. If someone seems to almost enjoy the misfortune of others, that means that they have very little empathy for the person going through a struggle. A kind person doesn’t wish ill on anyone, nor do they stand by as a spectator to it. Suppose you’re wondering how nice the person trying to get a front-row view of an accident in the midst, figuratively and literally, is, don’t. Kind people don’t have the stomach to sit and watch.
I’ll Get Next Round
There is always that person who has the next round. Unfortunately, that next one never seems to come. Not everyone has endless funds and can pick up the tab, but there has to be some fairness about whose turn it is. A nice person understands that taking turns means it is there at a certain point. Suppose they get passed over before reciprocating; a nice person would recognize it and be the first to offer the next time. If it is consistent, then it is by design, and nice people don’t manipulate the situation to avoid paying their share.
They Never Celebrate Your Successes
Having a friend means that you acknowledge their accomplishments as much as they acknowledge yours. When someone consistently downplays when you shine, that isn’t very nice. Even if you aren’t looking for praise, a nice person would be happy that you are getting the attention that you deserve for a job well done. If someone can’t or won’t join in the celebration, then they simply aren’t being kind or nice.
Cancelling is Not a Problem
Nothing is worse than having plans with someone only to find them bailing on you at the last minute. When you are excited about doing something and make a plan, it isn’t kind for someone to cancel. Everyone has times when plans simply don’t work, or something comes up, but if it is a consistent theme or they cancel because something better came along, that shows you how nice they are. Friends feel obligated to show up, and if your friends can’t ever show up for you, they aren’t your friends.
They are Fast and Loose with the Truth
Have you ever been in a situation where you caught someone lying or not being truthful? It is very off-putting when you hear someone say something that isn’t the same story as what they told you. Being nice comes with authenticity and genuineness. People all have times when white lies might be the best way to go, but if you often catch someone being fast and loose with the truth, you have to question why they choose not to be honest. Whether it is to make themselves look better, get out of something they did wrong, or for no reason at all, nice people are trustworthy.
They Leave you on Read
People have busy schedules; sometimes, while flipping through messages, it is easy to overlook a text or two. If their phone has about one hundred text messages that either go unread or are read and never answered, that is a sign that they feel too self-important to just give a simple answer. It doesn’t take that much to answer “Yes” or “No.” Leaving people hanging is not nice, and those unread messages make someone feel underappreciated.
They Can’t Say Sorry
Oddly enough, saying sorry is not that easy for everyone. A nice person knows that if someone feels bad, even if they aren’t at fault, saying “I’m sorry” isn’t always an admission of guilt; it is an empathetic reply to someone being upset or hurt. If someone can’t ever bring themselves to say sorry, whether they were wrong or not, that is a sign that they have very little empathy for someone who is hurt. Saying sorry takes about a fraction of a second but means so much to the recipient, and a nice person has no problem doing what they can to ease someone else’s burdens.
Remorse is not in their Vocabulary.
There is always that person who is the first to say, “I don’t feel bad for…” and it always comes across as a bit shocking, mostly because they should. Much in tune with not being able to say, “I’m sorry,” having no remorse for your actions or how you affect others says nothing but nice. It is selfish not to care when you’ve done something hurtful and even more selfish not to try to make it right.
Talking Badly About Others
The reality is if someone is talking about someone badly to you, there is a great likelihood that they are talking badly about you to someone else. That is just how it goes. Talking negatively about someone instead of confronting them directly or keeping it to yourself is never nice. Although sometimes venting about a situation doesn’t mean that you aren’t nice if it is a consistent theme of how you spend your time, you can’t be all that kind or nice. Nice people limit their conversations to positive things, not tearing others down.
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