Everyone makes mistakes, and it is a part of learning. Some of them are minor hiccups and don’t affect people much, and others can be dealbreakers, especially in the world of dating. Although not all women are the same, they tend to have similar things that they get wrong. Making the wrong move in a relationship can get things off track, at best, lead to the end, at worst. So, what are women’s worst mishaps when it comes to dating?
Believing He Will Change
The biggest mistake anyone can make in a relationship is believing you can change someone. Even worse, the things that tend to irritate you at first only become more exaggerated as time goes on. It is okay to try to bring out the best in your mate, but if you try to change them, you are only going to make yourself crazy. People don’t change, and if you love someone, you shouldn’t want them to. Being in love means you have to learn to accept those things you don’t like so much instead of trying to make them be exactly who you want them to be.
Overthinking
Science tells us that women’s brains are more active than men‘s. That means that they are constantly considering all options and trying to forecast and predict what will happen next. That can lead to a whole lot of overthinking. Men are pretty simple by nature, meaning they tend to say what they mean and mean what they say. So, when you go over a situation with a fine-toothed comb, you are digging too deep. When you dig too deep, you usually end up making a hole for yourself.
Clinging Too Tight
When women fall in love, they usually want to spend night and day with their man. Not all guys feel the same, however, and enjoy alone time. That can lead to a man feeling too much pressure in a relationship. Being too clingy and not giving your guy his free time is a surefire way to push him away. It also can lead to you losing you. Dating someone doesn’t mean that you have to leave your world behind. It is always a good idea to have time for you, too. Holding onto your identity is the healthiest way to be in a long-term relationship.
Taking Notes and Keeping Score
When women say “I forgive you,” they often mean it, but what they also don’t add is, “I might forgive you, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten.” Holding onto baggage and hurt is never healthy. If you bring out your notebook of wrongdoings every time you get into an argument, you can’t ever live in the here and now. Forgiving someone means you let it go. If you can’t forgive someone, that is something that you have to think about. Just know where you stand and be honest with your words and actions.
Being Passive Aggressive
What all men usually find out quickly in a relationship is that “fine” is usually anything but fine. Women wrongly assume that men think as much as they do and that they can read a woman’s mind to know when they are upset. Instead of being passive-aggressive, which only turns to aggressive over time when your feelings aren’t acknowledged, be kind enough to tell him how you feel and let him decide what he wants to do to make the situation better. Sitting back and stewing because you think he is intentionally not addressing what is in your head only leads to frustration and resentment on both of your parts.
Speaking With too Much Emotion
Women tend to speak with emotion, and men are more task-oriented. When you are overly emotional, it is threatening to a man who doesn’t know how to process emotion in the same way. Often, your highly emotional reaction comes across as threatening and “crazy.” Before you address something you are highly incensed or emotional about, give it some time and work through it so you can come up with a way to address your problem with the intent to solve it.
Failure to Acknowledge His Love Language
Everyone has their own love language, and for men, sometimes, it is hard for them to figure out what you want. If they are taking the garbage out to be nice and you see it as their chore, that can make them feel underappreciated. Every woman senses love in a specific way, but you have to recognize that men may see things differently. They actually might be working overtime to please you, and you don’t even see or acknowledge it.
Downplaying Their Man's Hurt
Since men don’t tend to be as emotional as women, their concerns can seem simple and insignificant. When you ignore a man or treat them like their feelings aren’t important enough to be addressed, that is a sign of disrespect. No one should have to get louder for you to hear what they have to say. If he is mature enough to come to you and discuss it, give him the maturity to listen and work through it with him instead of just dismissing it.
Comparing Him to Past Guys
No one wants to be compared, especially not to their mate’s ex. Men have similarities that might have been a problem in your last relationship, so it would follow that it might surface as a problem again. Keep it to yourself even if you are thinking it, and leave your past in your past. You wouldn’t want him comparing you to his ex, so give him the same courtesy.
Being too Pleasing
When you are with someone, you want to do all that you can to make them happy. Women are sometimes pleasers by nature; it is that inherent nurturing instinct. If you put him first all the time, however, it can become too much. Guys want to know that you prioritize them, but not at your own sacrifice. If you are constantly doing what he wants to do and saying what he wants to hear, then there is no you. The reason he started and continues to date you is because he likes you, not the you that no longer has an opinion or a backbone. A little bit of assertion goes a long way to keep him guessing.
Being too Jealous
Jealousy is good and normal in a relationship. It is not always a bad thing when you understand and appreciate what you have and worry that someone might take it, but if you are jealous to the point of controlling his every move or starting fights about who he can and can’t look at or talk to, that is a sign that something is lacking in you. Relationships are about trust, not control, and the more jealousy forces you to try to control him, the more he will be searching for freedom and pulling away.
Acting Without Asking
When you are in a relationship, you must respect the other person’s opinion, which requires asking for it. When women make decisions, major and minor, that affect their partner without even checking or asking, that comes across as a lack of respect. Women are usually the plan makers but don’t make a plan that is going to involve or affect your guy unless you are sure that he is available and on board.
Letting Themselves Go
It is not unnatural to get comfortable in a relationship and let yourself go a little, but if you no longer look anything like you used to, that isn’t fair. Not only are you not the person they started dating, but you cannot feel the same about yourself, which means your self-esteem might not be where it was. The way that you feel about yourself affects your relationship, your decisions, and your life. You have to maintain a level of self-care to maintain the respect that you have for yourself, and that he has for you.
Avoiding Conflict
No one wants to deal with uncomfortable subjects or things. The fear of disagreeing is a big motivator not to broach a subject and kick the can down the road for later. The problem is that the more you don’t talk about things that are bothering you, the more they build up and bother you. It is best to say what is on your mind and get it out there so that you can get over it. Each new day should come with newness, not a carryover of past grievances never to be discussed.
Withholding Love
Unconditional love is a must. If you use it as a tool to keep him in line, eventually, you will destroy the trust that you have built. Love is not a manipulation tool that you can use to get someone to do what you want or they quickly learn that it is conditional. Playing games with the emotions of love is a road to nowhere but the way out of your relationship.
Every woman is different, and the way couples behave in relationships differs, but there are some gender-specific commonalities. Research tells us that couples have a great degree of success when they communicate effectively and respect one another. When you love someone, you must love the good, bad, and the ugly. And if you can't love those things, at least accept them. If you cling too tightly, ignore what's in front of you, or don't trust in your man and your relationship, harmony is hard to find.
